Ive been a heavy drinker for over a decade.
I used to take pride on myself for being such a party animal and used to never care how much I drank the night before.
But I got to a point where It’s just not fun anymore. I am 28 years old , I realized I haven’t done much with my life , I haven’t even been on date for years , I am overweight and the very few times I’ve been to a party lately I make a complete fool of myself , to the point of falling constantly , saying rude things to people , throwing up , and just cause a scene. The worst thing is that next morning I remember every single thing I did and I can’t control my anxiety. I feel guilty and hate myself , and I can’t stop re-living the entire night over and over until I feel am going crazy. Most of my friends drink too , but I feel am considered like the drunk-est of all. I feel everybody is talking behind my back or making fun of me. I have made the decition to quit drinking , but I also feel that I need a bigger change , like to change the people I hang out with , not all obviously but some only remind me of the last time I got drunk and that kills me. I don’t know if am just confusing things and making the wrong decition towards them but that’s how I feel. All I know is that I drastically want to change my life.
Hi @Otka and welcome to the forum. 
Congrats on taking the first big step.
Thanks for sharing your story, I know it must be difficult but sounds like you already know two important things. First that you want to quit, and second that it might require a change in people, places, and things. That process will take more work, but is so critical.
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
(Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques)
And recovery-related resources that members have posted:
Thank you so much for your kind words I will definetly check it out.
One of the best things I did when I decided to get clean was that I changed the people I was around, the places I would go and I changed the things I would do. I had to do some deep soul searching and learn who I was sober. Today I am happier because of it. I only have positive clean people around me that r supportive. I wish you much luck and know that you can do this.
Thank you heather for sharing your experience with me and showing me support.
The feelings your expressing are very common with alcohol and over indulging to many times. I’ve found that alcohol really intensifies my anxiety. The guilt and shame are normal by-products, and in many situations are blown out of proportion. I wouldn’t start hacking off friends yet, but I would hang out with them in non-alcohol situations. Sometimes friends become your best support system. They help you stay accountable.
Welcome to the community!
You are right. I shouldn’t make impulsive decisions about my current friends. Thank you so much for your honest advice and welcoming to the community.
In our alcohol driven antics it sometimes feels safer just to write people off, because we don’t want to face them due to embarrassment. Many times your friends are relieved to hear that your going to take a break from alcohol, your slowing down, etc. You’ll be able to gauge who your true friends are, and who are just drinking buddies.
Good luck on your journey! Hope to see you around.
Can you plan an activity to do with your friends that doesn’t involve alcohol? Going shopping, or to a play, or to the zoo or something? Invite your closest people and tell them up front you’re taking a pause from the booze and are trying to find stuff to do that doesn’t involve alcohol. This is a good test to see which of your friends will be the most supportive and understanding. Good luck! I promise you’ll feel better about the past once you are no longer the subject of the the “last night rehash” stories. In my case, I got over it in like 3 weeks, I promise. If your friends have teased you about being too drunk, it’s because they are trying to justify their own use to themselves.
Thank you guys for the support. I guess now that I’ve decided to quit drinking I am finally able to admit to myself that most of the relationships I have built in my life are under the foundation of alcohol. I have rarely developed friendships or even romantic relationships without alcohol being envolved , so maybe that’s why I have all these doubts about my friends. Some are people I might actually not have a lot in common with and that’s very sad , specially because I don’t really have that many friends. But I am excited for the future and being able to look around and feel I have being able to find and build strong honest and healthy relationships with people who truly care for me 