Hello everybody,
Today and this evening is my day one, and Iāve done it. And Iām so damn proud! This is a massive thing for me. One, because I love wine - itās waving goodbye to a vice I enjoy immensely. And two, because until now, Iāve never been in a place where I have valued myself as a person enough to want to be the best version of myself.
I wouldnāt consider myself a heavy drinker, but I drink daily. I have a lot of emotional pain in my life, most of which I hide very well with my smile and ābubblyā personality, but Iāve come to terms with and accepted and recently admitted to myself I self medicate each night with wine. I reward myself at 5pm for getting through the day and reach for my first glass of wine while cooking dinner, I have my second / third while eating dinner and another few when the kids go to bed.
I think I used to deny it was an issue as it was wine - its civilised. Itās with dinner. I deserve it after a hard day, its socially acceptable to sit in the evening with a bottle of something nice.
But, my inner self was telling me different. Iāve been wrestling inside. Is the headache in the morning because youāre tired as the kids were up during the night- or is it that last glass of wine? Is opening a bottle at lunchtime at the weekend acceptable? Looking back have you really drunk most days in the last 18months or so?
I donāt get drunk, but drink enough to get the buzz and enough that it changes me. I become irritable, argumentative with my husband and often slur my words. I drink enough for it to affect me.
So I can no longer live with the internal wrestle, obsession and guilt from drinking - i know that I have an issue. And alcohol is an issue for me. I have close relatives and family members who are alcoholics and it is devastating. Alcoholism runs in my family. As does depression - something I also have suffered from periodically.
Having recovered recently from a bad, dark bout of depression - and turning 40 - I have decided to become abstinent and sober. I want to rid myself of the negativity, guilt, wooly heads and toxicity that is in my life.
Iām taking it one evening at a time. My natural anxiety wants me to have it all planned out, but Iām forcing myself to slow down and be patient.
This forum looks awesome - Iāve read through some recent posts and already been impressed with the insight and advice. I only hope I can inspire as well as be inspired.
Thanks for reading 
Josie x
hey @Josie nice to meet you !
āI deserve it after a hard day, its socially acceptable to sit in the evening with a bottle of something nice.ā that is a line that i used all the time to justify drinking and its awesome you see that on day ONE! congrats on the huge first step and i look forward to seeing your posts in the future.
here is a thread where we check in once and a while, or everyday if you feel like it. Im sure you will fit right in 
Hey, very nice to meet you too and thanks for the warm welcome 
Welcome, Josie! I related a lot to your story. Like you, I told myself the nightly wine was ok, acceptable, needed, deserved, the way to get through anxiety and stress. Iām now 81 days sober and really glad to have finally faced up to the fact that it was a real problem. Youāre doing the right thing!
Hi @Blueroom,
Congrats on your 81 days - thatās such an achievement! It makes me feel even more determined that Iām doing the right thingā¦I think a lot of people hide behind the fact that drinking wine in the evening is civilized and its seen as an āupmarketā drink if you like. I told myself
That for a while.And drinking a bottle or two is not a problem. Itās not like were glugging cheap spirits through a paper bag! But alcohol is alcohol.
I look forward to chatting with you again - thanks for reaching out x
Hi @Josie and welcome to the forum. 
Congrats on taking the first big step.
Thanks for sharing your story, I know it must be difficult but sounds like you thought this through. Start with considering all the support options - this forum, AA or other meetings, an outpatient/inpatient program, reading and videos. There is so much out there!
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery:
(Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques)
And recovery-related links that members have posted:
Hi Josie!
Right there with you. I started yesterday. Wine is my biggest issue too, as well as anxiety, depression and never really knowing when the emotional/ irritable/irrational part will come out!
We can all do this together for our families and most importantly ourselves.
Letās do this!
Hi @Thetrufflequeen, Gosh - we sound very similar. Iām so glad you reached out. Yes, we CAN do this. Always here if you want to chat 
Wow - thankyou
hi @JohnSee Thankyou for the welcome - much appreciated. Youāre right on both of your comments - i am finding it difficult, but before i took this step I thought long and hard about it. As you probably know, that doesnāt necessarily make it easier!
Really good of you to share that information too - Iāll certainly take a look.
All the best to you and hopefully see you on here again x
Welcome welcome! I can totally relate to your post - noticed my intake increasing to pretty much daily, and came to the realization that it had become such an unhealthy crutch. I am 37 years old and decided to shoot for sobriety and have 9 days now. Alcoholism also runs in my family and children of alcoholics are nine times more likely than the normal population to develop problem drinking. You made a courageous and great decision. Keep going!
@clearsky, thanks! Currently late evening here and no wineā¦a successful day two.
Well done on your 9 days - you too are brave and strong in your choice to get sober.
My word, the stats you shared about alcoholism in families is frightening. My aunt is an alcoholic and although she lives on the other side of the world from me and i did not / do not see her much, I see similarities between us. She has drunk daily for many, many years and her tipple is wine. She is in deep denial over her dependency and although all the family and friends recognise her addiction it is not discussed. Itās a taboo subject.I suspect itās because they are quite āstiff upper lipā, she was the daughter of a GP, brought up well, sheās married to a uni professor and is a retired teacher and drinking wine until she blacks out / vomits or makes a fool of herself is not, according to her, alcoholism!! Aswell as my aunt, her Mum (my Gran) admitted drink was an issue for her and she had to make a decision when she lost my Grandfather and My Mum (her daughter) in a short space of time to become abstinent as she explained if she continued to drink, she wouldnāt stop. My own Mum died of breast cancer 15 years ago and she certainly used wine to numb her emotional pain shortly after she was diagnosed and before the treatment started.
So given these ladies in my life use / used alcohol to self medicate and as a crutch, iām acutely aware of my own habits.And witnessing first hand the effects of many years of drinking have on people I love, itās not a road i want to go down.
Reading your post, you mention too that there is alcoholism within your family. Iām assuming too that has had an impact on your decision making to become sober?
Keep in touch and all the best