They don’t call it “Mothers little helper” for no reason and somedays (most days) when 4 o’clock rolls around and the homework battle and dinner requests are in full affect I can’t help but romanticize and miss my little helper… but now-a- days I’m trying to remember that it also helped me loose precious moments with them, loose my temper at times, and loose my youth… I’m not going to let it take my motherhood too.
What do my fellow sober moms do when nerves and tensions are high? For now I excuse myself and breathe out while drinking in Kava or some other mild form of relaxant.
The memes are funny but I want more than that. I want to be a fully present and sober mom during the good and difficult times! Whose with me?!
One of my reasons for stopping too! I think wine did make me less anxious but only while I was drinking it and sometimes it turned me into fun (or maybe funny) mum but these moments were outweighed by the hangovers that made me bad tempered and reluctant to go anywhere nice, not to mention the times my girls have said “I told you that lastnight.” Upsetting and embarrassing that wine left me unable to recount whole conversations with them.
Now I enjoy unhurried bedtime stories without a glass of something waiting for me downstairs. When they’re in bed I might have a bath, read a book or go to the gym and can remember everything in the morning! I hope it never goes back to how it was.
I was the person who always had adult drinks at kid’s parties, because how else was I going to have any fun? Also, kids, gross. Kids are stressful, and it is ridiculously acceptable to drink to make parenthood easier. Almost as if it’s expected of us.
You’re a parent? Well of course you’re gonna drink! My daughter is 11 and has some behavioral/pre-teenager behaviors. Just drama, anyways she sees a counselor 2-3 times a month. There’s a bar, like 2 minutes from his office and I used to go and drink during her sessions. Now when tensions are high I try and keep busy. I’m usually on here during her sessions so I’m not tempted to leave for a drink
This is kind of my number one issue. Im fine with not going to bars, I havent done that regularly for years. But when it’s time to make dinner, deal with 3 people with loud wonderful personalities with 3 entirely diffrrent sets of needs, and try to properly be there for them in that loooong stretch between getting home and bedtimetime – yeah, a drink or 3 seemed pretty helpful.
What I try: camomile tea, sparkling water, v8 juice. Deep breaths. Yoga if possible, usually impossible. Actually saying truthfully, to partner or even kids, if appropriate, im feeling a little overwhelmed, can you help me? Not trying to hide or be superwoman. Reminding myself, i can do this, or, this will pass. Lstening for the deep needs, in me and in them, like when they’re bickering, trying not to pay too much attention to the stupid stuff they are screamibg about, but tune into their vulnerabilities and needs for love, and give them some of my heart, from a place of truth not wine.
Forgetting conversations! Ugh, don’t miss that one bit! I share your same hope! I NEVER want to regress back into the subpar mother that I was becoming! Motherhood should be treated like a gift to be cherished not a job to done on auto pilot.
Whoa! SO much insight here! How long have you been sober?! You sound so grounded and on point! I love your suggestion of honesty and conveying to your feelings if your overwhelmed.
Hahaha this isn’t funny, but the strait forward honesty IS! I’m dealing with the pre- pre teen thing right now (who knew there was such a thing) and when my daughters were in dance lessons, i too would go to the bar across the street for my one hour of quiet time during the week lol
I used to go to IKEA during gymnastics to have some wine while I waited. IKEA for effs sake!!! Bars are for loser whinos but IKEA is for the suburban mom. LOL
The cafeteria sells wine and beer!! You can’t walk around with it but still. I’ve even gone and used their wifi to do writing so I can drink wine at the same time. Forget coffee at Starbucks when I can have wine at IKEA.
thanks for bringing this up. I always loved wine. but drink more since the Kids. love my Kids too by the way😋. somehow I found this subject painfull because its so spot on. sorry if my englisch is not correct. I understand you and I hope mothers here can support each other bc motherhood is so beatiful and hard work at the same time. I m for sure looking for other ways to relax but drinking wine💪. my relapse every 10days says enough. thanks for sharing.
Thank you! I agree 100% that mothers should support each other positively ESPECIALLY when we are trying to take positive steps to put the littles first even at the expense of our comforts. We are sober for us and them, thats a lot of responsibility and a LOT of love!
Thank you…that is so true. While I am getting sober for me, the truth is I’m mostly doing it for them. I want to be there for them, not in the cemetery.
And I find in this land of internet, mothers are NOT there for each other. It is all about proving you the better mother by cutting down the choices of other mothers. Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. Cry it out vs co-sleeping. Circumcised vs uncircumcised. Stay at home vs work out of home. The battles never end. No wonder so many of us turned to alcohol. We probably felt like we were horrible mothers every day and no one was there to say “Hey, your kid is happy and alive at the end of the day. You did a good job.”
