I don’t want to discourage people on their journey but this isn’t getting any easier. I am pretty resolved that drinking is not the answer. I quit because alcohol controls me and I can’t control my consumption and it makes me a very ugly person. I really don’t know how much longer I can do this. Drinking is not an option for me so I cant help but want to put a stop to all of this madness and just pay my matter forward. I have a non drinking husband who is very happy I’m not drinking but cannot understand me. He’s got his own problems with ptsd. I have acquaintances and co-workers but no true friends that I can talk to. Not interested in going to any group meetings -bad past experiences. How does everyone maintain their will when the roller coaster goes down?
Sorry to hear your having a bad time, my experience was by the time i was at your stage i had gone to meetings not everyone i liked but i wanted to stay sober so i stuck it out and at that time AA was the only place i could go .but i got help when i needed it and had a good sponsor and ive never looked back long long time sober now ,wish you well
Welcome back @Tish61. After I got sober I went to find psychotherapy. Had myself diagnosed first and after that spent three years in (group) therapy that was fitting for me and my earlier traumas that made me drink and do drugs in the first place. Hard work but it certainly helped in making my life much better. Not missing drinking and drugging no more and not at all. We need to build ourselves a life worth living. A life we don’t need to flee from by drinking. Wishing you all success and know going back to drinking is never the solution. Hugs.
Hey, I give shitty advice, less encouragement and more challange, so take what follows with a grain of salt…a year is a long time…and short.
What worked for me is making wholesale change in my life. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, be honest with yourself.
Congratulations on your 1,079 days, that is some good time and something to be proud of. I know for myself, after some time sober, after I no longer needed every bit of mental will and energy just to maintain sobriety, I think my body / mind started allowing in more of the feelings that I had been drinking and using at / escaping from / hiding from. So yes, I can understand a deep well of feeling down after sobriety. Abstinence itself doesn’t solve all our issues, it does however allow us the space and clarity to begin working with them and uncovering how we got to where we are and what we were drinking at. This I see as our steps into our recovery journey. As Mno said, this can be a very helpful time for psychotherapy. Journaling can also be useful. As can various types of movement therapy. And books…The Body Keeps The Score is one I often recommend + The Pocket Pema Chodron. 
I am glad you are here again and asking. I know it can feel not so great to get sober and still feel off in some ways. It is totally normal. Plus, we don’t have a ton of experience knowing how to roll along with not so upbeat feelings. Somehow I thought I was always or mostly always supposed to feel up…but for me, I have learned that my life is full of ups and downs …situational and emotional. And it is okay to not always feel okay, in fact it is normal. We are conditioned to believe in perpetual happiness, and that just isn’t reality. It is kind of a relief to know that now. A burden I can let go of.
I often turn to this passage in The Pocket Pema when needed. It reminds me to sit with my feelings. To allow them to come and allow them to go. And that helps me maintain my recovery. 
I know for me putting down the drink and the drugs was just the first step. From there I had to put in the work and like all work it wasn’t always fun. Sometimes it was hard. I went to meetings and mingled with sober people when I wanted to isolate. I listened to feedback I didn’t want to hear. I looked at myself with an honest lens, admitted my shortcomings to others, and then worked on overcoming them.
I put in all that hard work on the promise that I would have an amazing life. And that’s exactly what I got.
Thank you for posting this, I really needed to read that passage right now. Bookmarked it for future use!
I was just telling my wife last night the importance of therapy. It gives you someone to talk to, to vent, to expose your truest thoughts and feelings; and they are unbiased.
I think that everyone can benefit from therapy, especially those who have no one to talk to.
Is that something you’d be willing to do?
Will to be sober? Will to not pack a bag and disappear? Will not to unlive yourself? All the above?
Life is a series of ups and downs. Some times there’s more downs than ups and it makes it hard to feel any sense of optimism or fulfillment. It’s important to celebrate the wins and learn from the losses. When those losses begin to stack up, it’s also important to react in a positive and productive way.
One thing that has helped me navigate the downs is coming here everyday. There are many people going through a lot or has gone through a lot, so they understand. There’s people to learn from, people to guide you, or give you a virtual hug, and there are people to help celebrate your wins. Together, we can get through these shit times by helping one another.
Come back often, engage and see of life gets better, another 1,079 days from now.
I am so glad. I love that little book.
I comfort myself with the truth that things will eventually go up as this is the way of things.
As @Englishd wrote, quitting was just the first step. I quit digging the hole deeper. Next came climbing out of the hole.
I’ve never done meetings. Been saving that option for a time when my current sober plan failed. What I did do is set about making everything in my life that I could control or influence better. Better body, mind and spirit. I took up martial arts which helped all three. I dug into scripture and prayed for my mind and soul. I listened to podcasts and read books to feed my mind.
And for relationships that matter, I applied the truth that love is action, not feeling. All of my important relationships improved.
And with things being better, sobriety became easier. It became easier, because I became stronger.
Hope this helps.