Here I am back on here with a week sober under my belt. I can’t help but be mad at myself for relapsing. I was a little over 6 months sober last year. But I became complacent and stopped going to my meetings. Didn’t talk to my sponsor as much as I should’ve. But I became sober again because I wanted to. But it’s hard right now, out at training for the army when i started getting comfortable with more meetings. It isn’t helping out here and as much as I would like to talk with those near me, I know none of them would understand like this on here or ones in the meetings. Trying to do my best here without much of that support.
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Hi Patrick! Try not to beat yourself up, I have relapsed often, but I keep trying. Congratulations on a week. There’s so much love and support on here, I hope that makes it easier for you while you’re in training. Stay strong and thank you for your service. 
I understand what you are going through… a lot of what you just described matches the experience of my last relapse. I was so ashamed of myself and what I lost that it kept me out for another 4 months of absolutely misery. After getting sober I still felt shame and guilt, but I could finally learn to manage it once the fog lifted. I gotta remember that after bashing my skull to pieces for years/decades my brain chemistry is going to be way off as it gets used to life again without my DOCs. I still get waves of severe shame and guilt over what happened, but I don’t have to react to it… hope this helps. You’ll be in my thoughts! 
If you have one foot in yesterday and the other in tomorrow you’re pissing all over today. Be good to yourself just do this damn thing one day at a time my friend. As long as we practice the principles of recovery in our daily affairs we have nothing to to fear. That’s what gets me through every day.
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In regards to not being able to attend meetings at the moment, are you able to jump onto online meetings while you’re away training? AA have online meetings 24/7
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