Welcome, @Jfrat! You’ve come to the right place, and well done on hitting double digits. I can relate to so much of what you shared.
You’ve read around some, so you’ve probably seen drinking/using dreams are pretty common. I’ve only had a few, the most recent being after many months sober.
Respect for being honest with your wife about your recovery. My experience is if there’s any question to if I can moderate, I probably can’t. Like you I tried those experiments over and over, and it took me years to come back from my last “one drink.”
Now I just don’t pick up that first drink and the days are only getting better.
Anyway, welcome to our happy little sober fam! If it helps, think about stopping by to let us know how it’s going at our daily checking in thread.