A new thread for daily check ins…
Day 860ish or so…still amazing to wake up hangover free and still grateful to be sober after all those years. 
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#860+! That’s inspiring 
. #79 here and feeling good.
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Day 157
The hub brought in beer yesterday that he did not drink (a first) and left it in the fridge this morning. Also a first. I don’t have any urge to drink it, but I’m kinda annoyed at it being there.
Oh well.
@Mno Thinking of you on this difficult day.
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Day 422
I find myself flirting with a potentially dangerous idea today. Me typing this out is part of me trying to hash this out, so bear with me. My DOC is/was alcohol, but I have a history of abusing adderall. Mind you, I do have diagnosed ADHD, which was not identified until I was an adult, but it explained a lot.
I struggle a great deal with several symptoms of my ADHD without medication…difficulty starting/finishing tasks, irritability, indecision, constant mind-wandering, constant mental “noise” (possibly the most difficult and exhausting part). I feel like I am intentionally playing life on extra hard mode. I also think I was considerably happier when medicated…I have said it before, but it was like seeing life in color for the first time after living in black-and-white for all my life. Things were just so much more clear. My brain was easier to control and direct. I now feel like a sea captain locked out of his own bridge, many days.
Without the meds over the past 14 months, I have watched myself become more withdrawn and unwilling to interact with people in real life. The constant mental chatter is so loud and so dense that by the time the day ends, I am utterly sapped of any sort of will to interact or even be around people. It takes so much effort to maintain focus in any one direction. I feel like I just have no desire or zeal for life by the time the day is done.
Part of me thinks if I were to try the meds again and switch to a time-release formula (rather than instant release like I had been taking), or a non-stimulant med, I’d be less likely to abuse it…much fewer pills at my disposal, less intense, etc. But I also know I have an addict brain, so I’m not sure what voice to listen to.
There is possible substantial risk here. If I do try the meds again, and its the wrong decision (meaning I go back to abusing them), there is a chance it leads me back to alcohol.
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Day 370. Feeling emotional, flustered. Going to meeting at 930. Fear based mess running thru my mind. One day at a time, but sometimes even that scares me. Sort of like “noooo…if I only stay in this day what about what might happen later in the week I might not be ready to handle if I dont try to brace myself for it today”. Run on sentence noted. Heh.
Anyway, gonna try to be like seaweed today instead if a salmon swimming upstream. Gonna focus on letting go, letting God, and going with the flow.
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Day 14 and feeling pretty icky. Have a headache (since last night) and today I have to socialize with a friend visiting from another city who gets upset if I don’t act a certain way (constantly happy and excited) around her. Going to be a rough day
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Ever tried daily guided meditations? I can’t believe how much less noise there is now from when I started doing it consistently 3 weeks ago. It really helped me, may be something to consider and try first.
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What a great idea a new fresh tread! Hope it helps with the error’s!!
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I just had a quick look at ADHD medications it appears there are ones that are not amphetamine based or is Adderall the only one that works for you.
I completely get your concern, I’ve been putting off a knee operation to avoid having to take strong painkillers, heroin was my doc🙂
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Thanks Mandi, if there is a way for it to get better without meds, I would prefer that. I have tried meditating before but in the past I have not been able to maintain focus long enough…within 5 minutes I am off doing something else, or I’ve fallen asleep. Maybe just need to practice?
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Yes, practice is good. I still have thoughts pop up while they talk at times and some days are better than others but it really has helped slow it down a lot! Consistency and practice I think is likely key.
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There is, and I have not tried anything other than adderall. If I do go this route, it is certainly sonething I would mention to my doctor.
Although the meds really helped me, my abuse at its height was hellish. If I could find a med that alleviates my symptoms without awakening that intense need for MORE, it would be great.
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Thanks for your help all. On my way to the memorial. Checking in here helps.
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Checking in for day 7
I’m so grateful and happy not to be hungover.
Was very anxious about going to dinner with people I would normally drink with tonight. The first thing I said when I sat down was "I’m not drinking "
I hope everyone is ok and taking good care of themselves.
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It’s so hard to draw up energy for friends like that, especially given how you’re feeling right now. I hope you are ok.
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Tristan, length of time is not as important as is the practise. i had to let go of my achievement mind to really get it. It’s ok to do short time and then build up. Maybe start at 2-3 mins? Guided are good as there is something going on to focus on, rather than just silence. Headspace does a good intro course, and it’s free 
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Hello, checking in at day 139.
After coming home from Michigan and seeing fellow classmates at my 30 year high school reunion, I feel old. Like, I’m running out of time, old. Tired of wasting my life chasing after pornographic sex. But another part of me doesn’t want to let that fantasy go. Can I finish life without this? Would I be okay without the high for the next 20-50 years? Couldn’t do it without TS. It’s been my lifeline lately. Thank you all.
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I told my doctor a little while ago when he tried to prescribe me some diazepam to alleviate whiplash, had to tell him I’d also abused that 
Your pharmacist is likely to know more than your doctor so maybe consult both. You shouldn’t have to live without medication when it’s genuinely needed, hopefully they can work with you to come up with a solution:grinning:
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Thanks. I really appreciate the acknowledgement