I’m 11 days in.
This morning I bought alcohol, to my shame. I was taking the bottle out of the plastic bag and the handle of the bag caught on the bottle neck. It smashed on the floor.
I’m horrified of the mess but God scared me straight for another day. It’s sad but it’s funny how fate puts out a design.
What led you to purchasing that bottle? Analyze your thoughts and feelings leading up to it. Obviously, your mind was made up and there was nothing stopping you except the fact that it smashed on the floor. Having tools such as calling a sober friend, going to a meeting, or coming on here are key in early sobriety. When left to our own devices, the outcome will always be the same and that’s to do what we’ve always done.
Right now I’m just struggling with patterns and compulsions.
Not today but there are so many things that trigger good memories of drinking. I have a hard time once i get good sober time because I still clearly remember the good times and relationships but don’t have in my present mind feeling physically unwell and bad experiences.
I’m trying to just keep my memory on track and say that nothing positive has happened when I’ve been drinking in years.
What helps me is playing that tape all the way through to the end. If I pick up that first drink, where will it lead? Maybe no where the first time but eventually I’ll be losing my family, career and everything else that’s important to me. There were many good memories linked to my drinking but it’s those bad memories I have to keep front and center. Going to AA has been life changing. I can honestly say the obsession to drink was lifted quite some time ago.
I appreciate your advice. I’ve been hesitant on AA because I’m irreligious. I recently have had a handful of traumatizing experiences because of alcohol and it’s been hard because I just want to shut off the voices in my head but logically I know drinking has made everything 5x worse.
AA is not religious it’s spiritual but to each their own. There are a lot of other programs out there such as SMART recovery, dharma and the luckiest club to name a few. Here’s a link to a slew of resources: Resources for Recovery
Oh thats funny. Not you going out and buying booze but the universe giving you a sign. Its up to you if you listen. Congrats on 11 days. Keep fighting it gets way better!!!
You Have a Higher Power! Don’t give in to Alcohol GIVE UP ALCOHOL!
Your right. That’s God in action. You’re hard work apparently had not gone unnoticed.
Stay the course. Stay sober