So those familiar with me. I been doing well with the sobriety kick. However my dating life has been fuckeeeddddddd. For the last six months I have been dating a wonderful girl. The complete opposite of myself. She is caring. Good natured and never had a drug problem in life. That being said she is attracted to walking messes such as my once former self. The downside of all this is she is a very sensitive person where I am not. I am working on it and becoming a more empathic person every day. We just have dumb arguments. She tells me it’s not what I say it’s HOW I say it. I know I am animated and encouragable so this makes for dumb arguments to go on and on and on. This coalesced last night where she wanted alone time. I didn’t want to be alone. So that resulted in her getting alone time and me dealing with it. The addict part of my brain wants to lash out or act out in some way to warrant a response. I know that isn’t healthy though. So I am laying on the floor, typing this and starring into the carpet. I also am abundantly aware that the ex from two xmas’s ago hit me up randomly last night which thru me into the headspace I was in when I first was getting clean.
As good as I get the tougher it gets.
I welcome the challenge but fuck does it suck…
Point is, as well as I am doing sober, my personal life is still in need of much work.
Sorry things are the way they are, thankfully these feelings never last forever. Applying my program I’d be asking myself "What is my role in all of this?, how have I contributed to it and what can I do differently?
Times like this are times of spiritual growth and looking at what we have done to contribute to the situation is all we can do.
Taking honest inventory will enable you to say sorry for whatever you need to say sorry for and hopefully move on from it. Who knows she might even have an apology for you.
I find this helps me clear my mind. Also I suspect there are many good qualities you bring to the relationship, I know you are someone who encourages others. Don’t beat your self up, build yourself up.
Dude, I thought you relapsed after reading that title.
Hey, we’re all a constant work in progress man. I sure as hell need to constantly think about how to improve as a person.
I seriously tell my wife that all the fuckin time. It’s not what you said, it’s how. Her tone. I know I’m guilty of it too. It sounds like you have yourself a good girl, and you’re a great guy too. Don’t think you’re not. that’s those old addict thoughts telling you you’re not good enough. You know you are. Relationships are hard too.
Come on bro. You know I wouldn’t relaspe. Meth is so far behind me it ain’t even funny. Now, if I could get the actually being a human part we would be good. Lolol
@Twowaymirror always seems to word his subject line like a possible relapse. He gets me hooked into what he is saying though.
I have only been on the app for 7 months so I wasnt around for when he was a more frequent poster.
I know man. I just want to make sure it stays that way.
Like I said man, that human part is a work in progress and you’re doing the work to make
Progress. That’s all we can do right?
Yes, that’s all we can do… it feels like invading foreign land however. I know my mission but lack the logistics to get it done. Lol. (Sorry for the lame metaphor. I’m better than that. )
You mentioned earlier about you and your wife having a similar problem with the “tone” of how things are said. What helps you? Any advice would be amazing.
Well she’s the one with the problem I’m kidding. If do say something shitty or with an asshole tone I just apologize. Sincerely. Then think about why I had a shitty tone. Hopefully it wasn’t a condescending tone from me, if it was then I have to think about why I’m an asshole. If I’m in a bad mood, then I need to either keep my mouth shut for a bit or give myself some time by myself. Think about why. There’s always a reason, whether it’s an obvious one or something that’s a bit more hidden in my fat head. If it’s a past resentment, I need to let go of that. But it takes some serious self reflection and thought sometimes. If I’m just in a bad mood from work I need to snap out of it, or talk about it to her and vent. If it’s the kids, I need to remove myself before I get too worked up since they dont grasp these issues yet and it’s not fair of me to take it out on them.
But, I’m still a shit show. Just trying to work on it and be less of one.
I’m not sure if that’s any help or just me typing and not saying anything meaningful.
I’m kidding. If do say something shitty or with an asshole tone I just apologize. Sincerely. Then think about why I had a shitty tone. Hopefully it wasn’t a condescending tone from me, if it was then I have to think about why I’m an asshole. If I’m in a bad mood, then I need to either keep my mouth shut for a bit or give myself some time by myself. Think about why. There’s always a reason, whether it’s an obvious one or something that’s a bit more hidden in my fat head. If it’s a past resentment, I need to let go of that. But it takes some serious self reflection and thought sometimes. If I’m just in a bad mood from work I need to snap out of it, or talk about it to her and vent. If it’s the kids, I need to remove myself before I get too worked up since they dont grasp these issues yet and it’s not fair of me to take it out on them.