Come here more, it helped me. I know everyone is different but you can do it. 
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Dont feel so bad. Iāve restarted 22 times. Iām 4 days sober right now. Hang in there. Be strong. Pray and talk to others. Iāve been through allot. Iām a alcoholic but. 4 days sober is great 4 me. Dont give up my friend
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Everyone else has already posted so many great things. The only thing I can add that has helped me is that I have replaced using wine/alcohol to wind down or relax with lots of self care! Be selfish!! I take a lot of hot baths with Epsom salt w/essential oils. Light some candles. Listen to music/podcast. Face mask. Iāve had to come up with healthier ways to relax. Iām on day 54, and I feel like my mind is already looking forward to the ānewā relaxation methods Iāve been using! And they donāt cause me to wake up with a hangover lol. Iāve been watching YouTube videos to learn how to do different make up ideas. Which I never cared much about before.
I read a lot of literature on alcoholism, but sometimes itās easier to forget my problems and get lost in a fictional book. Others may think this is lame, but plants and gardening are awesome ways to take your mind off of it, too! Itās so nice taking care of something that gives back to you! Iāve always loved to garden, but Iām finding it even more enjoyable now as a way to get outside and zone out. Even if you just have a small patio, just grow some stuff in pots! And if youāre ever wanting to talk to someone who can relate, Iām here. 
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Heres some links for scholarshipsā¦ they helped meā¦ I had to accept the fact that I cannot successfully drink ever ā¦at all. Never has one of my insane rationalizations worked out. Its a daily maintenance. Mind, body, sprit.
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You have just arrived at your own realisation. You listed all the things that you should have done but didnāt.
If you learn from this at all, then next time you will do all of those things because you need to.
You disease will want to keep you isolated.
There is a YouTube video called " The opposite of addiction is connection" I think, look it up.
And donāt live in fear, again that is you alcoholic mind talking. Break out of the fear cycle. Tell people what has happened but also tell them why it happened, because you isolated! Tell them your plan for how will deal with it next time.
This is called working our sobriety.
This is called taking control!
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You are not the first person to ask this question. I strongly recommend you read and study with another member the āBig Bookā Alcoholics Anonymous.
Page 45
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.
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In order to accomplish anything, one must have two things; the will to do so, and the means to do so.
The fact that you keep trying indicates you have the will to quit drinking. Your questions as to āhowā indicates you lack the means to do so.
Beyond just trying to resist, what are you doing to acquire the tools and knowledge to achieve sobriety? Have you spoken to your doctor? Have you considered rehab or IOP? Have you attended meetings? Do you have a support network or accountability partners? Do you have any sober activities to replace your drinking rituals? Do you socialize with drinkers and do you have any non drinking friends? Do you listen to sobriety podcasts or watch sobriety videos on YouTube or Video?
Get you some means. It will maximize your will.
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The negative feelings accumulating are overwhelming. Reaching out to other people in recovery, my AA sponsor regularly has to be a priority. I just cant bring myself to tell friends or family, they just do not get it and I donāt want a lecture I need support.
How you doing Sonya?
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Could not have said this better myself 
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First of all I want to say that if you have restarted 11 times you are strong!!! That is hard. Youāve pushed past the discouragement, shame, pain, guilt, embarrassment 11 times. Give credit where credit is due. Youāre stronger than you think.
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Great! Past a full clean week.
Going to stick this time
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You are effectively me. If you donāt pass out and blot it all out and somehow wake up on resetā¦ that is what I convince myself. I actually think there must be reason that someone like you and I would get on and be good for each other. I am literally the worst as far as advice. I write books and skate through life with my husband saying I am unwellā¦ (they all know he means a bit drunk). An entire week, didnāt want to drink until I realised I didnāt have a person I could just say stuff to. I am scared for my liver test alsoā¦ you can message me any time you like my lovely x
I should have done this last night. Drank a bottle of wine and dragged up really old shit with my husband. Its all valid but probably wouldnāt have been that upset and for that long.
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That sucks. Everything is worse - or handled worse - when weāre in our addictions.
Iāve been reflecting on this recently in my relationship with my family and my wife. One of the men in my addiction recovery group - who Iāve been meeting with for a year now - said in recent reflection on my sharing, āMatt, youāre smart and you notice things and you like to be right.ā
It hit me like a ton of bricks. And I started asking a lot of things, to myself. Like, does it matter if I am right, if my wife or my brother donāt want to talk to me? Why?
And that open up a new question: am I suuuure Iām right? How sure? Am I suuure I know everything thatās relevant to peopleās experiences and feelings here? How sure?
And if I step back and say āHmmm maybe - I donāt know whatās important here.ā If I say that to myself and try to step back and be humble and listen non judgementally. What effect does that have?
Recovery is not easy. If it were, so many of us would have been sober long before now.
What is that saying???
āKeep coming backāā¦yes that one. Dust yourself off and start over. This is a ONE DAY AT A TIME lifestyle we chose.