12 days and questioning

Motivation
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Hey all, 11 day lurker, first time poster.

I got my first DUI on Sunday February 12. After being released I decided to quit drinking for a year. I made that decision because I wanted to punish myself, and I also think it’s ridiculous how much I’ve been binging since the election last November. I also was curious if I’ve abused alcohol enough to become addicted.

I’m the kind of person who doesn’t drink during the week but then binges hard all. weekend. long. Shots, cocktails, beers, starting every Saturday and Sunday with a bloody mary.

I’ve done so many stupid, horrifying, embarrassing things while hammered, whether or not I was blacked out.

I haven’t felt any physical withdrawals since I stopped drinking 12 days ago. I feel guilty about that.

I haven’t been “triggered” to want a drink, even when I went to dinner with drinking friends last Friday and met others who were having happy hour two days ago. I drank iced tea and it was fine. (Also, I told all of my friends immediately about my DUI and my decision to abstain for a while; everyone is very supportive.)

When I first decided to dry out, you guys made me look forward to all of the benefits of sobriety. When I think of the $ I blow on going out, it’s ridiculous. I was looking forward to seeing my bank account grow. I’m less bloated now already, so I felt good about looking more attractive.

Yet I don’t feel totally committed to being a person who “never drinks.” Every day I read the app and think to myself “I won’t have a drink with you today.” But I think about vacations I’d like to take (where I would want to drink) and house parties I’d like to go to (where I’d drink and spend the night) and weekend adventures out of town (of course you have to do the brewery tour!) I don’t identify as an alcoholic.

It’s hard to contemplate a life where alcohol is never part of the equation. I just want to be a truly social drinker again in the future.

Thoughts?

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Yes I’ve definitely had those thoughts about the future but then I remind myself that for me, one is never enough, and binging is considered abusing alcohol (for good reason). With one or two I only feel tired, Less hydrated, frustrated and wanting more. So what is the point of having any? I have grown to love smoothies and healthier options even in times where I thought I would kill for a beer. I love being in total control of how I feel. I love remembering, actually remembering, all of these great times and memories I’m making. I love not being self conscious about coming off as sloppy. I don’t spend much time worrying about the future now.

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The brain likes to tell us…“Well, maybe I don’t really have a problem” or “I’m not that bad, I haven’t done that” We live in a society that revolves around drinking. But normal people don’t get dwi’s, question their drinking habits, and binge on the weekends. We’re not all at the same level of addiction…some take it lower than others, some are high bottom drunks, some have more severe withdrawals or none at all. You have to ask yourself…is alcohol affecting my life in a negative way?

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You decided to stop drinking to ‘punish’ yourself? I would like to know how you see yourself in terms of drinking? I reject the label of alcoholic, i think its stereotypes people into certain boxes and life is not that black and white. I had a problem with drinking, around stopping after a few before i lost control of my actions ( embarrassing stuff i say, never actions, i never drove under influence per say). I would rarely drink all day, especially before 2pm (apart from a cheeky beer every now and then). But… I noted problematic drinking pattern, and if to continue i would become physically addicted. I didn’t like hangovers, alcohol didn’t enhance my life in any way so why continue? Im day 53, no withdrawals nor temptations. At times i looked at other people here and thought wow, im not like them, i never sat outside the shop crying cuz of urge to drink etc. But i know i have a problem with it, i cant moderate (dont get me wrong, sometimes i had a beer etc and went about my business, but an overall picture is different). :smile:

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