My first entry here. I’m 120 Days sober from alcohol. There have been moments where I was scared of the thought that “I’m never drinking ever again?”, but then I remember the hiding of the bottles, the days when I felt like there was nothing good in the world, when I couldn’t see other people without at least a little bit of a buzz.
I quit after an explosive fight with my BF. I drunkenly called his family names and made fun of his friends all while weeping uncontrollably and kicking him out of the hotel room. I blacked out and couldn’t remember anything I said/done the night before, all while I was supposed to be at a job at 6 in the morning the next day.
He stayed with me, but this was the first time he had considered leaving. He said that he knew two different sides of me, one that was kind and loving sober and another cruel and insane drunk.
I took 2 days to think deeply about what I had done. He is my best friend, the love of my life for whom I had moved to another country. And I hurt him. I behaved just as my father had on countless occasions when I was growing up. I couldn’t accept this. And with my heart shattering, I decided to think as if I was an outsider looking into this relationship and to my horror realized that if I were my BF’s friend, I would tell him to cut ties with me.
I knew where this would lead. If we broke up while I was still drinking, I would sink into a deep depression and undoubtedly would drown myself to death in alcohol.
The other option was to prove to myself and to him that I could change. That I would do whatever it took to prove my love and to prove to myself that I deserve true happiness and freedom from the generational curse that took my grandfather and was taking my grandmother and father.
120 Days into sobriety and he is truly proud of me. I can feel the ease in him and the trust for me building. We moved into a nicer apartment and I am so proud of myself and him.
Have an amazing sober 24. It gets better. You owe it yourself to be sober 
