It’s day 139 and I’m just tired. I’m not going to get high–I don’t even particularly want to but I’m missing my pink cloud. Everything just seems to be weighing down on me. Work is nuts. Talking to my parents bout everything to do with my kids.plus a few other things has me navigating some very conflicted emotions.And sobriety feels so normal by now (much of the time, anyway) that I’m not stopping to remember how much better it is than getting high. I miss waking up in the morning and being so grateful for my clear eyes, and mind. Nowadays I just wake up and start worrying about everything I have to get done. Maybe I need to slow down, be gentler with myself start noticing the good stuff again. Maybe I’m just missing the days when all I had to do was be sober, when now it seems like I have to do everything and feel everything all at once…
Welcome Willow! This is a great place to be when feeling that way. I personally am only 11 days sober so I can’t speak to how it feels to be as far along as you, but I am positive someone here will be able to relate and give advice. It’s a great place and pretty inspiring when you are feeling down or feeling like using. Proud of you on your 139 days! I hope you get to feeling better about things!
Thank u for that!!!
Then maybe you can start a morning gratitude practice - writing a list first thing. I start by thanking “It” for keeping me sober the day before and asking for help to stay sober today. I ask to be shown what to do and to be given the strength to do it. I immerse myself in recovery reading and contemplation with that first cup of coffee.
If you can’t make extra time in the morning (I had to get in the habit of arising an hour earlier to get my head on straight), maybe just keep a little notebook and pencil on your night table so you can make the list before you even get out of bed!
I have a friend who is blunt, but a philosopher. According to Dave “If I have my head up my ass, I have a shitty outlook on life”. So I figure if I start in a good space, chances are better that my day will go easier and I will feel usefully and happily whole.
Blessings on your house 
Yesss! Thank you!!! My sponsor suggested I do that too:heart:
I have to say I did the gratitude list this morning and it definitely makes a difference and helps me get my head right first thing in the morning thank u for the suggestion:)
We can do this @Willow1 
you’re not just awesome for being here and getting that far, but actuactly an inspiration to someone like me with a goal to get as sober as 139 days too! 
I get the feeling of a void or lack of purpose after struggling once… Everything I knew was this negative upbringing, and now its gone it takes filtering all my energy and strength into replacing the unhealthy ‘highs’ I always knew to new, different and healthy ones I need to learn to manifest myself. It’s not easy rewiring the brain. There’s an ole saying that “the journey is the destination” my friend 
Like a story we get to write ourselves, and so we will Where there’s a lack of something, try to replace it with a surplus of something else of interest, there’s ALWAYS room for improvement/more fun…! Maybe take the time to relax and focus some more by meditating just for 5mins once or twice a day for some clarity, or going out into lovely nature a bit more often, join a club or do activities which you might find fun or fulfilling. Small but persistent steps toward self-improvement can fill any void once we learn to embrace them. Stay strong, confident & open! 
Congratulations on 139 and welcome Willow. Checking in here and engaging with the community has been extremely helpful for me. I wish you well