Hello,
I’ve tried getting sober multiple times. I’ve tried moderation. All have failed but I kept going through the same pattern. Moderate, rage cage party time, black out, regrets repeat. This time nothing crazy happened. No black outs. I haven’t even been drinking really. I woke up and realized emotionally and physically I feel a lot better when I don’t drink. It’s me and my negative behaviors surrounding alcohol. I own up to it now.
I live in a small town and have for the majority of my life. When you stop partying the phone stops ringing for the most part. I feel like I want to try an AA meeting just to feel it out see what works for me. Maybe find some comrades in the process.
I have two concerns though;
Running into someone who knows me or worse a client ( I’m a caregiver, nursing student). Small town gossip just sucks. It’s not the end of the world socially but professionally I would be embarrassed.
Absolutely hating it. I respect everyone’s views but I’m not religious. So I’d like to find a meeting that works for me. I’ve seen a couple but im looking for advice.
What are some pros and cons of AA in your opinion?
Did being social with people in the same position feel like a weight lifted?
Anyone living in a small town please share your experiences, am I just being overly anxious and should get over running into someone I know?
You are spot on. I also understand why a god of any kind is very much a contradiction to many things, across many fields, and that fact applies to any supernatural claim that has been made. Now, it is a fact that AA over the decades it’s been our state sponsored recovery institution has an embarrassing success rate of less than 1%. It works for some, most that do buy the higher power thing tend to only stay sober until their zeal for their higher power (even if it isn’t a god figure it’s still only a crutch,) begins to fade. A smaller group sometimes can make it 5-25 years before relapse, & they usually change their life to where it revolves around that higher power as much as possible, and so they unintentionally create new habits which is an important factor to staying sober. The only thing AA got right was the part about finding a person or group of people you can be transparent with. Talking about recovery out loud helps with our mentality and is key to success, everything else AA does is either pointless or just flat out detrimental to a recovering addict’s sobriety. A lot of people go to AA, but also see a psychiatrist and undergo therapy (sometimes multiple types.) Stop your drug, have a group or a person you can rant to anytime of day or night & who is also a recovering addict is most preferred. We have to learn, understand, and manage/overcome w/e issues we have that lead us to this hellhole on the first place. W/o doing that you have little chance.
Also, I’m from a small town in AL, and I have a couple family members (1 being very close) and a couple more friends, I supplement that with this community and another online one…the support group in a small town is another way that society is set up to increase the chances of relapse or overdose. But see if you know anyone who’s an addict of any kind mostly, you don’t need a big group, you just need at least 1 person who you can reach ANYTIME who will let you rant, talk you down, w/e you need. It’s quality not quantity.
I have had this happen and I am not in a small town. Go figure. That being said, the people I see everyday in the rooms range from the rich and famous, to the guy who slept outside the church last night on a bed roll, gay, straight, and all ethnic backgrounds. No matter who we are on the outside, we are all there for the same reason – the desire to stop drinking – the only requirement for membership. Yes it may be temporarily embarrassing – but they are no different than you or the banker in the next row. Feelings are temporal and will pass – as bad as they may seem at the time. My embarrassment (seeing my bartenders, clients/customers and others in my professional community) passed… though I had to swallow my pride and fear at times.
The idea of God is daunting. Having lost my religion, it is something that i could see being an issue for me and others. The thing is that it is a God of our understanding. For many that is the group itself. What your HP ultimately is is completely up to you. An atheist in my meeting just celebrated 7 years. I can understand how certain meetings could seem overly religious b/c the people in attendance are religious. That is what works for them and should never be pushed on you. You can take what you need and leave the rest-- again the only requirement is the desire to stay sober, not a belief in God.
I’m a lawyer. I’ve run into judges, clients and other attorneys. I have not been judged once. People in the program hold anonymity sacred.
I love AA. Period. I usually do 2-3 meetings a day. Most of my friends are there so I get to socialize. I get to make coffee sometimes and have even chaired a meeting.
Also, it’s a spiritual program. You hear God a lot, but any higher power will do. I know quite a few athiests in the rooms.
In my opinion you just have to try it… Commit to going to 3 meetings and she’s how you feel! One of the worst things you can do in your journey to get sober is doing just the same old $hit! Try something new and see if it works.
I consider myself more spiritual then religion and I don’t attend meetings all the time but when I do I feel wonderful. I love knowing that everyone in that room is fighting the same fight and we are all different but all the same and all there to lift and support one another.
And the first time I ran into someone I knew it was awesome! It was like WOW there are so many people like me even people Ive known for years and didn’t suspect. You never know what other people are going through.
My main point was that the higher power is a crutch. Yes, a desire to stay sober is important, but it takes a whole lot more to accomplish a goal, but the desire is almost always the best motivator during these turbulent times. Sorry, I think I did mention god or w/e 1 too many times. Like I said, im in Alabama, pretty much every time I see someone else say they’re not religious, or that they are an atheist…it’s a very rare and much anticipated event for me. I wasn’t trying to say AA cannot be effective, I was saying that staying clean using AA as your only resource is not setting yourself up for success. The importance of having support and fellowship of taking, and when we are with other addicts(who are serious about being sober) we almost instantly view them A LOT more favorably than we would if we met them
in just about any other part of our day; like at work, at a community/small town event, etc. We see that not only are we not alone, but just the event of being around other people who know physical/mental anguish like we do; who are almost limitless in their openness and trust of anonymity. But when you’re not at a meeting, and you are alone & it’s 2am the meeting doesn’t help much, that’s why I say AA…at the most…is just a supplement to a MD of psychiatry or neuroscience, if they’re specialized in addiction. Working through our personal issues is the “general consensus” among the people who’ve studied the brain, people, and society for a minimum of 8-13 years. I’ve noticed, since I was sober almost 3 years, that the last time I went through this…that a lot of the science has been expanded upon, changed, & there are a few new medicines that are supposed to help (unfortunately none are really that effective alone and they rarely help even just physical symptoms.
I’m just going to bow out of this whole AA discussion because the bias is all over the board. Hell I even like how it’s state sponsored. But im sure this one has all the answers I haven’t found. Maybe if I just wait for them to spell out what program/process we all should use I’ll be all fixed.
Anecdotally you are probably correct, but AA as a whole…not near enough. We know and have decades of polls, surveys, and studies done in many different styles of controlled test groups. Sorry, to
be so blunt, but we know, objectively, that AA’s success rate is less than 1%. Sure, get the support group, but it alone is just not a solo-solution to staying clean. Now, that isn’t to say that a person can’t work through whatever the stresses or personal/mental issues the individual addict possesses; which is THE main contributor to becoming dependent on substances like alcohol & drugs.
I know for a fact that is false. Here’s some actual research I did because you intrigued me.
“Although AA has been criticized by some sources for having a low success rate, the rate isn’t 5 percent like it’s estimated by some to be. Dr. Drew Pinsky figured the success rate is slightly higher, between 8 percent and 12 percent. The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) states about 10 percent of individuals who join a 12-Step program recover. However, The New York Times suggests Alcoholics Anonymous has a much higher success rating of approximately 75 percent. Alcoholics Anonymous’ Big Book touts about a 50-percent success rate, stating that another 25 percent who relapse come back and only 25 percent don’t remain sober. The organization suggests these individuals don’t use AA effectively.”
AA is effective for those who put in the work, much like any other type of treatment. If a person is looking for something/someone else to keep them clean without doing work it really doesn’t matter what they do because they will fail. There is not a program in the world that will keep someone clean by just showing up. Get a sponsor, work the steps, go to meetings, socialize with the fellowship, do service work and put down the drink. Do it for a year, or even 6 months. If you don’t think it’s working then go back out. But if you do, it’s your fault, not the program’s.
My fault everyone, it is NOT 1%. That’s what I get for not re-checking. You can disagree and if it works for you, then do you! Don’t stop if it works for you, but that quote isn’t coherent and doesn’t actually mean anything, either I need an explanation, or it just one more strong of pretty words. The numbers are actually around 5%-12%, either way it’s hard to nail a number down. My big gripe against AA (as a sole form of treatment) is what our judges, parents, and pretty much everyone except for doctors in fields related to addiction. It’s not surprising that government & society are so incredibly ignorant about this issue. I was also asked where that stat is coming from …well, pretty much everyone. It’s no secret, it is not a new discovery either, we’ve got 4 decades of information on AA. Every paper and news sources is saying something along those lines, for example open your browser and type “AA’s success rate” into a search…you get multiple pages of different news outlets all saying the same thing, and the occasional religious organization spouting AA apologetics… I’m shocked, and yet not really, that is is news to anyone, but not surprising to hear that the AA veterans are not aware of this. No wonder our OD rate has risen to one of the top killers. I’m truly not trying to point fingers, but come on people! Do a simple google search (then use common sense to filter out the garbage) instead of just accepting anything that matches what you already think. Americans inability to handle new information that contradicts what we thought, is why our country is the fattest nation w/ one of the worst education systems on the globe; and our stubbornness and tendency to stick our fingers in our ears when new information arises is astounding. The population’s inability to do any kind of proactive fact checking has affected, negatively, just about every aspect of the current political climate. As a historian, it isn’t news to me, and it’s most likely one of those unbreakable cycles of history: where the leading nation can’t change w/ the future and cling to past ideals that are now just as outdated as they are harmful.
(^this one explains the difficulty of an exact number, but we do have over 4 DECADES of information to help get an idea of whether it’s useful, so yeah we’ve got a pretty solid idea of the success/fail rate despite the anonymity. Again, like I said AA as a supplementary treatment along with a personal MD, psychotherapy, and medication, but should NOT be the ONLY form of treatment if you are serious about success, unless of course an individual isn’t able to afford the proper medical attention…in that case AA is way better than solo’ing it.^)
(This one highlights and condenses the stats that AA, itself, actually released. It’s not surprising they used a less critical system given they’ve got a big reputation and economic reason to do so.)
(^Reluctant to give a number, but also flatly states AA should be supplemented w/ therapy and the advice of your doctor^)
I like how you scrolled down to the ONLY one saying what you pre-decided was where you stand on this issue. I mean, there’s no way you missed every search result that popped up except the one who wasn’t as opposed to AA as a solo treatment plan. The AAC, the website you linked, bases their entire system on AA, and at best they are just stupid…very doubtful though. Look how they profit off ignorant addicts just this many I’ve been chatting with.
Link to Forbes about AAC & AA: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/danmunro/2015/04/27/inside-the-35-billion-addiction-treatment-industry/amp/
I used a source that is actually credible, unlike an article written by “Dan Munro” who is some dude who writes books like “casino healthcare” and has an enterprise software engineering background lol or “salon.com” “Salon is an opinion site rather than a news site. Its stable of writers comment on the current events of the day, and analyze the big cultural questions. The editorial viewpoint is consistently liberal” lol this is all bias information…
You share stats like “success rate is less than 1%” but then try and cite non credible websites and authors… and say for us to filter out the garbage in the google searches? come on now…
But I see this conversation going nowhere good. Let’s just agree to disagree. Go to meetings, go to therapy too if you want it won’t hurt. AA works for me, and I’m grateful that my detox center and IOP put me in their direction.
your away above my head ,and what do i know im only 31 years sober with AA and i have several friends the same AA in scotland is strong and success rate high ,
I dont care about statisticks… I can only tell what is working for me . I go to alot of AA MEETINGS, have a sponsor who is more than willing to help me and guiding during 12 step program. For me its working because i choose it to . But its not for everyone i know that . All kind of groups can be the solution for you . Be open minded and if u are willing . Admitt that u are powerless and willing to do whatever it takes , then magic can happen . Keep it simple and we should not fight over this . Whatever that works for u is just fine . Best of luck
