Very proud to be here, the total lack of hangover, energy and no post drinking anxiety makes this totally worth it. But navigating social events is still for me a bit of a nightmare. First party lasted under an hour, last night two then left. Head feels like it will explode, worries I’m not able to talk in the same way, that I’m really boring and so tired after a period of time as no longer have the sugar or alcohol stimulation. Maybe 5 months is still super early days? What can I do to have fun again?
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Hey, I hear ya…there are a couple threads around that chat on how to occupy time.
You may want to use the search function and see what ya find.
Be well
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When I was drinking, I was a partier. I’d go do karokoe at a bar and end up at some rando’s house to keep it going.
I’d attend corporate parties every chance I got. Used to go to going away parties to people I didn’t know.
Work holiday parties? Yes please!
Weddings? Yeah I’d sit through mass for that open bar!
When I quit drinking, I left all that behind because the reality is, without alcohol, it’s fucking terrible.
I wasn’t partying because I enjoyed the party, I partied because I was an alcoholic and it often involved free booze, and alcohol made me a supervert and I enjoyed the high of being “popular”. But it was all fake.
My first wedding was at 5 months, it sucked. Fortunately, it was a dry wedding so it sucked for everyone.
I think this is where I came to the important realization.
If your going to social events with the lens of a drinker that’snot drinking, you’re going to have a bad time.
If you go to a social event with the lens of making connections, having good food, listening to and telling stories, etc. You will have a MUCH better time.
Like anything, it takes practice, years worth.
Next time you go to a social event, adjust your goals and expectations and see if it works out better. If not, it might be better to not torture yourself anymore.
Also, I agree with you in that 5 months is very early to be doing these things, I’d consider waiting at least a year before venturing out.
Rock on!
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Good post, thx
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For me i pretty much avoided that scene for about a year. Once I got deep into my step work I became more comfortable in being out and about. As promised in the 10th step I have been placed in a position of neutrality in regards to alcohol. These days I’m at functions that involve alcohol without even the slightest hint of an urge. Musical festivals, weddings, holiday parties etc are all fine. It did require a lot of work To get to this point.
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Social life is always tough I think everyone can attest to that. Really to me it’s about knowing yourself and what you are and aren’t ready for. For me it was concerts and sporting events that I had anxiety about. Both I enjoyed heavily with drinks. I worried they wouldn’t be the same for me.
A couple things I learned:
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Because of the nerve damage in my back from the military I can’t enjoy concerts unless I have a seat. I can’t do standing room and alcohol actually used to mask that pain. The first concert I attended in sobriety I had a seat and I enjoyed it a lot more than usual because I remembered everything and actually listened to the music lol. Second concert we didn’t have seats and standing for three hours after a long day of work and coaching was miserable. I thought it was because of watching everyone else drink. Someone even bought me a shot and it was a tough moment for me handing it to my wife to dispose of discretely but I made it through and learned what I need to enjoy concerts.
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Many social spaces are adopting N.A. options for people. I know some people on here caution or shy away from those beverages, but they’re a great tool for me. The first sporting event I attended in sobriety I was sad because I wouldn’t be able to have a beer like the old days. I was pleasantly surprised when I got my food they had an N.A. beer available and I thanked the lady at the register. She said “we stock it because people spoke up and requested it.” Sobriety is actually becoming a lot more popular than people think.
As far as parties go, I often pack my own cooler with different beverages I like instead of alcohol and a koozie and no one is ever the wiser I’m not drinking. It’s like my little toolbox of tools to stay sober.
Moral of the story is you have to find your strategy and the tools that work best for you. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, pick and choose the situations you’re ready for. If you don’t feel comfortable when you’re out there, it’s okay to pull the eject hatch and get the hell out of there! Stay strong and fight on!
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A bit anxious about a festival and some parties coming up… I’m not even a month in on my sobriety and still struggling with strong urges and the “i can take control” ideations (which i know is a trap! I’ve fallen for it before).
I know i need to be strong and go in with a mindset of here for friends, dancing, and i can retreat to my tent or bed when I’m done.
May even pack my stubby cooler (kozzie) as a disguise. It’s a great idea, jwfletcher! I’ve seen people bullied for not drinking before or even just hounded with dumb questions. It’s absurd.
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A lot of people would say it may be best to avoid these situations early on. Like I said it’s all about knowing yourself and what you feel ready for! I don’t know if it’s frowned upon in the sober community lol but I make up a story sometimes when I don’t feel like explaining to someone my lifestyle choices. I guess technically mine wasn’t a story I did have thyroid problems but I just told people it was for health reasons with my cholesterol and thyroid and I wasn’t drinking as part of my work to fix those. The longer you’re sober the less people notice because they just become accustomed to you not doing the same things you used to. In my experience most people actually find it neat and you may even inspire some others to choose sobriety, that did happen to me just by me choosing to do it not influencing or coercing them.
Also, some friends may depart over your decision. It’s tough, but it’s okay because you are making a decision for yourself and if people can’t support it or at least respect your decision then they weren’t great friends to begin with.
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