I woke up in the middle of the night 15 days ago and couldn’t go back to sleep. Been having a time with my preteen and beating myself up for all the bad decisions I make on a daily basis. I started drinking alcohol when I was 15 years old. Loved beer immediately. And it ‘helped’ with my social anxiety. I’m introverted in an almost extroverted way. Some of my closest acquaintances don’t know I’m anxious when I’m around them. I’ve always known that I use alcohol to cope. I started using so I could be more outgoing in high school. Then i used to cope with being away from home. Then I used to cope with my job. Then I used to cope with my abusive and failing marriage. Now, my life would seem perfect. Awesome man, two beautiful and insanely smart daughters, amazing and supportive family, beautiful home… and yet, i still use. To cope with life. To cope with my kids, to cope with my messy home, to cope with decisions i have to make everyday. I woke up 15 days ago in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was compelled to look for an app to help me quit drinking, knowing that with all the craziness around me, the only thing i can change is myself. I’m 15.5 days sober right now. I have moments of feeling proud, but more moments of feeling anxious, fidgety, empty… Yesterday I even questioned why i quit drinking, trying to find any excuse to stop trying so hard not to. The tops of my fingers hurt from my chewing on them. BUT. Every minute that goes by when I choose to be sober, I get stronger. Taking advice from a very wise person in this forum. I’m allowing myself a drink. Just not today. Thanks to that person for the words i needed in that moment and thanks to anyone who decided to read my hubbub… here’s to another day, alcohol free.
Excellent choice not to drink today. I feel the two week mark is a great milestone and not easy to do. This app I’ve found to be great and it’s the people who contribute who deserve the credit. They’ve helped me daily and they don’t even know it.
So you’re in good company here. I recommend sticking with it.
I’m glad you’re here pal:)
15 days is great. It’s hardest physically. I have terrible anxiety, too, and have used drugs that were prescribed and alcohol to try and fix it. I think after about 20 days the anxiety got a lot better. Now at 50 days I might have a moment or two of anxiety but it passes. Being sober will help you determine what your triggers are and how to cope with them. When I drank I was scared and anxious constantly. It gets so much better. Hang in there!
Great job! I feel like I wrote this story. Started drinking as a socially awkward 15 year old now I’m 43. The drinks helped with the awkwardness. Then college in a Wisconsin public university.and it was game on. I also thought that drinks made me more likeable and funny. If you’ve ever heard the expression ‘I feel most alone in a roomful of people,’ that was me. Then at 15 one falls on the traps of social acceptance,’ popularity, etc. And that just fuels the fire. Looking back and going forward if I don’t feel comfortable at parties I shouldn’t go to them for a while. It’s okay to not be a party person. Lomg story short just wanted to say thanks for the story and I identify with every point you touched on. Stay strong.
Good job realizing that it’s not what you need anymore. It’s not as comfortable or automatic but life is better with change.
Well done on your 15.5 days. Keep it up. One day at a time.