Hi everybody. Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I cried in bed and used cocaine and xanex all night long till I fell asleep and slept almost 15 hours. I have never been addicted to a drug in my life nor have I ever dealt h with anybody in active addiction until I realized last night I’ve been addicted to cocaine for over a year doing it al day everyday ( even at work). I did 9 grams of coke this weekend completely by myself. I realize this is a problem. I’ve never felt more alone and suicidal than I did last night. I got this app and woke up to over 10 messages from yall being supportive and I already feel better. I was able to take a shower and eat my first bite of food In 3 days. I feel completely drained. My eyes are barley open. My body feels limp. My brain feels fried. But I am alive. And I’m very happy to be alive. The suicidal thoughts are unbearable , but it’s nothing I’m not used to. A huge weight feels lifted that I am almost one day sober. I have a gut feelings I’m actually going to get sober this time. I want to say thank you to everybody in here because it saved my life.
While its raw write out your hangover experience so you can reference it when you start to feel better and that addiction voice starts whispering “maybe i dont have a problem”
Well done for reaching out, you’re in the perfect place to kick the shit out of cocaine and anything else you want to show the fuckin door to. The first few days are a rough as fuck. Keep hydrated, keep positive, and has been said in another thread, delete those numbers, hard reset the phone and block anybody messaging you about that shit.
Life is so much better without it.
Thank
You so much nick.
So glad you reached out. You can begin the work now! It takes courage to admit it to yourself and others that you have a problem.
I am an alcoholic, but when I was drinking all bets were off, especially coke. I remember a few years ago right after Christmas I did exactly what you described, alone . It was such a horrible feeling and felt absolutely hopeless. It’s scary so I really empathize with you very much.
Start trying to find a place to talk about it and meet people going through it. A meeting or zoom or whatever you have to. You can move forward and put this behind you. Keep this trauma vivid in your memory without reliving it with spiraling thoughts. Just know you can move on and have many great days in your future.
Stay strong friend. And the less cocaine you have the less cocaine you crave
I’m glad you came back here after your sleep, this is a sign you really have had enough of it.
Lots of good advice for you here and lots of support so do stay with us and keep checking in and reaching out. The support here is the best iv had in my life and I’m really not exaggerating.
Day 1 for you today is a good start, this is a good place to start 
Oh wow, your post brought back some bad memories of that hideous comedown …such a drop. Glad you have made it here to post and are a bit better. You do not have to ever feel like that again.
Keep this feeling and thoughts close at hand. Bookmark your post or copy and paste it onto your phone to read again and again next time you want to call for more. And delete and block all your dealers contacts now while it is fresh.
So glad you are here!!
I am glad you are here. Be active here…you will find a lot of advice, fellowship …and cautionary tales of using again.
Keep reaching out.