if i had one wish in life it would be to go back in time and said NO to drugs.
relapsed cocain and ecstasy am 42 years of age need to growup.
i have no plans for the forthcoming future now, am going to use this time wise.
No raves
No pubs
No clubs
No nights out.
i need a good year away from the above till i can say no for good 
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YES - this is a good plan! Take a deep breath and get on the sobriety track. Wishing you luck on this journey - make sure to surround yourself with support and keep strong 
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Do you attend meetings etc?
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I drive myself crazy about coulda, woulda, shoulda. Like most people here there is so much from the past I wish I could undo. I really struggle with how my actions have negatively impacted people…especially because I think I’m a good person at heart.
It’s hard not to dwell on the past; even though people say to live in the present.
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It is definitely easier said than done but we can’t change what is the past unfortunately. Have you tried addressing the people you have negatively impacted? It might be a good start in the process to allow yourself to move forward. Once I reached a point of sobriety (I believe day 45ish for me) I felt comfortable and confident to aloow myself to be vulnerable enough to reach out and apologize to people. I have apologized to everyone I want to yet but there’s been a start. Even if they don’t accept my apology and I understand not everyone will, I can find peace in know I tried. Maybe something similar can help you. Just don’t give up and know you have people here that care about you even if we don’t know you. 
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Somehow I missed your response the other day, so my apologies for that but what you said was amazing and couldn’t agree with it more. That was a huge step in the process for me, stop justifying/ giving myself permission to drink, then surround myself with people that are supportive of my decision. 
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am ok thank you, just been hit with COVID to this last week, trying to drag myself back up, its been a bad one.
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Too bad, I wish you a smooth recovery, COVID sucks. Sending you healing vibes 
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