So I am currently 22 hours sober. I finally hit rock-bottom last night. I’m a black out drinker, I’ve had numerous episodes and last night was the worst.
Worst part I wasn’t completely blacked out. I betrayed my boyfriends trust, I came across old msgs between him and his ex girlfriend and read them. I know it wasn’t meant for my eyes, but I couldn’t resist. I’ve been jelous of the feelings he had for her and have compared the relationships for years off and on. I brought it to his attention I read the stuff which pissed him off to begin with but when I threw the readings of how much more passionately he talked to her and about their relationship. I got more rawled up when I read they wanted to get married and have children I exploded, he told me flat out In the beginning he didn’t believe in marriage and never wanted to get married, ever. The icing on the cake was reading that he was still begging her to come back to him during the time frame we started seeing each other.
I lost my shit and drank more, I kicked our bathroom door in because he wouldnt come out and finish talking to me. I need sobriety because the road I’m going down using alcohol to cope is making my life 100 times worse. I Think I lost my best friend and the love of my life. All because of jealousy and alcohol! Alcoholism has ruined my life!
Don’t beat yourself up to bad. I know things feel like they suck right now. Your riddled with shame, guilt and embarrassment.
I know how you feel on the jealousy front. Stuff like old messages drive me crazy even when I’m sober. My approach/thinking is: just get rid of them. Why would you keep them?
Thanks, I just wish I knew how to fix myself, I wish I knew there was a fixing this. He moved his stuff to the spare bedroom, we haven’t spoken 2 words.
It will be okay! Just give him some space and time to mull things over. Say what you need to him, apologize and let him know you’re going to try and get sober. Alcohol always seemed to make my mind run wild about anything really and it was always the most negative sideways thinking. Once the fog lifts from your mind you’ll feel a lot better and if something like that does come up you can just talk about it like a best friend would! Use this episode as motivation for you to get sober! There are many awesome people here and if you ever need to talk I’m a message away. Take care
Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I am just worried and anxious and unraveling because it’s not like this is the first time it happened or an isolated event. Everytime I black out drinker I do something so dumb! I’m afraid I messed this up for good
Don’t give up pal! You of course have to get sober for yourself. First and foremost. But a little inspiration from someone you love always helps you want to do this for yourself.
I will tell you that 5 months ago my wife left me. We were still in the same house but basically living as roommates. It was the hardest thing imaginable… Wait, getting sober while we were going thru this was the hardest thing imaginable.
Anyways, she had no intention of ever taking me back. I hurt her to much for too long. I broke her heart. But I stayed sober and worked on myself. Meetings every day. She saw the the change in me but it wasn’t enough.
I kept going and kept loving her. And slowly, very fucking slowly, she started to come around. It took a long time but that’s what we both needed. We both had to heal. And I’ll tell ya, we have been back together for about a month😄. And after this whole mess, we love eachother More than ever!!
So stay sober pal. It’ll be worth it. You guys fell in love for a reason. Just start by not drinking and the pieces will fall into place
Thanks for sharing and the encouraging words. I hope my ending falls into place like you and your wife did. It is bothersome however that he’s a drinker too and it has made it so difficult to stay sober @Gabe.G
Don’t beat yourself up. I myself have done the same thing with my SO. Now that I’m 3 weeks sober things are definitely still rocky but getting better. Time heals all wounds, focus on yourself and your sobriety and everything else will fall into place. We’re all here for you!
Here’s an excerpt from my last Journal entry I wrote to myself.
…"The trials and tribulations you have experienced and will experience, has happened and is happening to make you a better person. Understand your sacrifice and pain is felt; and shared with the lord. You are not alone. "…
If you ever would like to talk feel free to message me! Sounds like we are very similar in our drinking persona’s, and are also going through the same things with our SO’s. Here for you girl!
