Today is my first day not drinking. This is my millionth first day not drinking. It’s always extremely easy for me because I can go weeks without drinking at a time, but anytime I drink the end result is the same depression, anxiety, a lot of times black outs, self-hate, and this emptiness inside. I hate what it does to me and who I become. The hardest part is I’ve justified it forever with the fact that I’m not chemically dependant and don’t drink every day. In reality, I could never even try to count the black outs I’ve had. At this very early stage in sobriety I’m almost embarrassed to tell people I’m quitting drinking, but I also feel like no one is going to understand the severity of me quitting . I know they don’t have to for me to quit, but I always try to do this alone and never succeed. I don’t want to do AA because of the amount of people that I have met telling me personal stories about people I know that they heard at AA. To me the anonymous is very important. I’m not ready to share my struggles with every one yet. Is there any advice any one could give me on my next step. I literally have never tried any programs and have no idea where to start besides quitting drinking. I actually only found this app due to a friend of mine sharing her sober counter to her Facebook. Sorry for this being so long, but this is probably the most I’ve ever shared with anyone about my addiction. Thank you in advance.
Welcome. I would say this is a good first step. You will find many of us have a similar story.
Thank you. I just have heard of so many people doing steps and things and I’m genuinely not sure what to do. Honestly, reading all these threads has been so helpful for me.
Welcome, and keep reading the threads. @anon46927530 is 100% right. You will find many who have a similar story, with similar patterns, and are living in similar circumstances, ready to climb over each other to offer help and support to you.
I am glad you are here, and look forward to getting to know you, here on the threads.
I started out not going to do AA…hit a point where I was white knuckled, and I was going to relapse…got my butt to AA…you will find many paths while you are here
There are online AAs.
Welcome to the community. We all have an experience to share, that others maybe able to relate on some level and help them.
I’m binge drinker! No chemical dependency! It’s just not fun anymore.
Hi, I’m a similar drinker to you. I can go weeks without drinking too. Over the years I fooled myself into thinking I was a normal drinker and just lacked control and I could learn this. Some weekends hell I even managed just two or three drinks. However, waiting inside me, lurking like a dark monster was that point, that point of no return where I’m going to wake up the next day having drank a bottle of vodka, the guilt, the anger all consuming again.
If we have to try to “control” our drinking we’ve got a problem. If truly you’ve had enough of being a slave to the booze you’re in the right place, welcome
OK here’s what I’ve learned so far. Because we’re binge drinkers we don’t have to worry about withdrawal. Bonus. We do have to worry about complacency. Bummer. I’ve been 2 months now without a single drink but I’ve had to avoid a few traps. I’m not strong enough yet to go out with mates to bars and not drink, that kind of thing. You need to be careful about being lulled into a false sense of security. Just because it’s been a month doesn’t mean you’re fixed. I know my next mass bender is literally one drink away from me.
Two, you need a refocus. In my experience in the past I couldn’t just stop getting drunk without a reason to stay sober. I bought a weights bench and decided to get fit and put on weight. This gave me a reason to say no to the first drink. I can’t work out hungover. Try something new, running, swimming, painting whatever you fancy. ENJOY being sober.
I have kept my situation pretty anonymous from my friends and family. They know I’m not drinking but not why. And I haven’t done any group meetings.
This app has been a huge support for me. But the best thing I found was reading books about recovery. Stories about people that have gotten sober and books that are more medically based. Some great documentaries are out there too. Getting educated helped me so much.
Working on my mental health and mindfulness was a big help too.
Welcome and good luck. You can do it!
Welcome @Kaylaledawn. All the advice offered is super helpful. I started out by doing exactly as @MrsJones did. I watched and read every thing on the effects of alcohol, memoirs, youtube videos, whatever. It helped immensely! The other thing I did was join AA. I have put together 427 days without a drink. I’m not sure I could have done it without AA. I still very rarely speak at AA. Probably 5 times?in over a year. But I did get numbers and I look for similarities in people’s stories and always learn something about myself in every meeting. I also told my friends and family so they would understand my crazies those first few weeks or so. So glad your here. Keep coming back. together we can stay sober.
Do you have a favorite?
Welcome!! This app was huge in making my last drink my very last drink ever. I tried quitting before I found this place and it didn’t stick. I read the threads here, talked to others going thru the same thing and I started fighting for my life, deciding that I was taking control back-that poision (alcohol) doesn’t have a place in my life any longer. Which frees up a lot of time for many good things to come in! It’s hard first, but stick with us here. A sober life is waiting for you, because you’re worth it! Hugs. You can do this!!!
You mentioned about not suffering withdrawal because your a binge drinker. I am too a binge drinker and I suffer from the withdrawal effects. Maybe it depends how long you have being binge drinking. I suffer with anxiety for weeks after a last binge, fatigue, confusion, stress, anger, depression and a few other symptoms ofof paws. We are all different.
@Mobius This is so home hitting. I have made efforts to maintain a busy life. Complacency is my worst enemy. I have many animals and plants that keep me very busy. They quite literally depend on me to live. I am not proud to admit that after very long, hard nights of drinking I have lost pets and plants due to me not being able to get up and do anything. I always thought of It as my punishment for doing It again. It would send me back into the inevitable spiral. I started with the guilt, then shame, eventually leading to me thinking I just needed to drink again to be my care free, happy self. The end result is always the same. I’m always sad and mad. I always find a way to blame it on circumstances. I’ve lived a hard life at times, so people never really thought it was bad I drank. Even family and friends completely against alcohol would say they understood why I drink. I leaned on that and made it my crutch. I’m done though. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me anymore. I want to be a happier, healthier me.
@Shattered_dreams I feel the same way. That is what led me to this first step of even posting anything. It really just isn’t fun anymore.
Mobius, I totally agree with having a purpose and enjoying sobriety. I hear so many people referring to sobriety as a punishment and its SO much better!
I am actually excited to start researching and understanding the effects of alcohol. Honestly, I didn’t really expect many people to understand my story. I figured the only people looking for help were chemically dependent. I thought it made me even weaker that I couldn’t quit knowing that people have to literally detox to quit and all I have to do is just stop. It feels refreshing to know I’m not alone. I’ve had many friends tell me just know your limit, like it’s something I can control. I’ve tried to know my limit. I’ve had times were I only drank a couple drinks and managed. That gave me a false sense of security. It made me believe I could control it. I’m so grateful for what @Mobius said. It couldn’t have been described better. If I have to control it, then it’s already a problem. I will keep those words in my mind in hard times. Thanks everyone for all the kind words and support.
I understand what you mean, the mental aspects of stopping drinking are tough. I meant more withdrawal where by you can have some serious complications, even death if you just stop drinking cold. The guys that drink everyday have this.
Yep, I’ve been told numerous times to know my limits, or have some self control. I’ve been called a lightweight more than I care to remember. The people that say these things don’t have a problem with alcohol. They just stop drinking when they’re done. The only thing separating a binge drinker from a daily drinker is time. After a certain point of drinking its no longer control, its no longer up to us, the alcohol has taken over and its blackout time. If you’re ashamed of drinking its a problem.
As a binge drinker, I don’t drink to relax. I drink to get smashed. That’s just how it is for me. Of course after a binge. I’m hungover for 2-3 days. If that’s not healthy I don’t what is. So, I think as binge drinkers we are kind of luckier if there’s such a thing. Once we realize our patterns. I just had to break habits and routines. Even though awful stuff happened it was never to the point I lost complete control. I know if I continued it would just be a matter of time.