I think im losing patience with myself. I cant even tell you what number day 1 this is, again. Im so over starting over
Im so over a f*cking substance having so much of my life in its clutch. Tired of doing it, tired of the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment and being a disappointment. Addicts tend to sound like broken records i know first hand. But one last time really becomes the last time but WHEN!? don’t answer that, i know its entirely up to me. I have ALOT riding on me being sober and SO many people that look up to me and or are counting on me to stay sober and i keep failing. Dear god. If youre up there. Let this be the day 1 of the rest of my life. Amen.
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Welcome back. The recipe is similar for everyone with 2 ingredients needed. You have to want sobriety for yourself and you have to put work into your recovery every single day, the more work you put in the stronger you get. You can do this, hit up meetings, this place, podcasts, whatever just do something recovery related and put it first. Best wishes to you.
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I definitely want it. Its corrupted my every thought lol. Thank you
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You could consider treatment; residential/inpatient, partial/outpatient. Sober living. Just something to keeo you accountable, medications to curb cravings. Group therapy, etc. There’s a lot of help out there.
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Sending u sooo much strength right now. I hear the urgency and pain in ur words and I can relate to this sooo much. This is exactly how i felt over 2 years ago. Desperate to get clean.
What things have u tried to stay clean so far? If none of these are working, changing things up may help. Have u tried Meetings - in person or online? Rehab? Or other support groups? I know one of the biggest tools for me in early recovery was to write down my reasons for quitting and i would remember in very raw detail the feeling of the last time i used. Every time i think of using i go over my list ans replay that event over in my head. The last time was something i NEVER want to feel again. Hope u stick around and post often. Youre worth a happy, free, and joyous life!
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I started outpatient at a rehab and need to start doing weekly drug testing. I set them up for accountability purposes. I think im gonna attend to my first group meeting tomorrow if i can find the confidence to go. I keep failing because of well myself for one and my living situation isnt ideal but it’s not able to change yet.
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I can’t tell you how many I had either, all I know is that it was constant. And I finally got to the point that you seem to be in. I signed up for rehab, I went, and I’ve been sober since and God willing had my last day 1 ever. ODAAT.
Welcome back. 
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