Well it finally happened. My uncle who i was really close with up until a few years ago passed away. He was a MAJOR alcoholic. I used to party with him when i was younger. I even brought him to a few Aa meetings with me when i quit.
He just couldnt do it. Only 60 years old. Not what i expected to wake up to this morning.
We stopped talking as much about a year ago because he would just call me drunk and get angry at me and talk shit about my mom and drunk text me.i felt like I just needed to keep my distance.
Weird thing is i was going to text him the other day and just let him know whats been going on with me and tell him about my job… i should have just fucking sent the text instead of telling myself id do it later.
I know its not my fault but it sux knowing i was gonna reach out literally 1 day before he died.
Emotions are coming in waves for me. He was like a dad to me when growing up as my father died of an OD when i was 3.
I just needed to put this somewhere… idk. Im hurting. Iv never
dealt with the death of someone i knew so well in my life and it just hurts.
Oh Steve,
Loosing family is soooo tough. I am so sorry friend.
I know it hurts. When my dad passed it hurt so badly. I was shellshocked and confused and absoultely overwhelmed. You know it will change. You know this. But knowing it, does not take away the pain.
Please take care of yourself. Be so very kind to yourself, with your feelings. Look out for yourself. Find comfort wherever you can, with friends, with family, here with us, in healthy occupations. Do something nice for comfort.
Give the pain the time it needs. Even if this is the most difficult thing. That’s the only way. Grieve in a way that is good for YOU.
My condolences and lots of love
Steve, sorry about your uncle’s death, it does hurt to feel the loss, that’s what being human is all about. Not to run or try to change the feeling with booze. We celebrate and mourn and everything in between instead of staying intoxed.
About feeling bad for not sending you message, look at it this way: what if you sent it, he died, would you blame yourself for his death too?
Sorry to hear about your Uncle, even with stepping away from him I’m sure it still has a major affect.
Nothing worse that a huge reminder that this drug that society deems legal is still a major killer.
Yes, it hurts. I’m very very sorry. Do not feel bad about the text. He knows how you felt I think. And if he knew you have been sober for 2050 days and counting, more than that, he probably is very grateful for that.
Some people are not able to escape the demons, the addictions.
Your father wasn’t, he wasn’t, and you were.
It’s something for you to be proud of.
Of course I didn’t know your uncle, but again I do think that he was probably very proud of you for being able to get yourself away from it.
He knows you loved him. He knows he was there for you when your father wasn’t.
Honor his memory by staying sober.
It’s OK to cry, it’s OK to grieve, it’s OK to hurt. It’s just not OK to drink and lose your sobriety.
Thanks all. Had a few good talks with my mom today which was nice. Im not fearful of losing my sobriety as this was just another reminder of why i quit.
It just happened out of nowhere. No hospital stay, or anything like that. Just alive one day and dead the next.
It just feels weird that i can never talk to him again. I ignored his calls for months because he would he drunk everytime he called and i didnt wanna deal with that. Ive learned that in order to keep my own sobriety that i need to distance myself from people who are drunks.
I dont blame myself for the death, just wish i would have talked to him more. But how was i supposed to know he was going to die overnight at 60 years old. He just retired a few years ago. All those years of working towards retirement, thrown away by drinking. Really sad and unfortunate
I will say, i have really wanted to smoke a cigarette but i know i will then start being anxious about my health afterwards. My anxiety has been manageable lately since starting zoloft regiment so i dont wanna fuck that up too
Thanks for the replies.
I was gonna skip my pool league tonight cuz he was the one who got me into pool and i thought i would just be sad the whole time. But i ended up going and i think it was a good idea to hangout w my pool friends. We made the playoffs in APA but lost tonight in first round. Was fun though
I’m sorry for your loss Steve. I’m sure it was a great tribute to your uncle to do the pool night despite the circumstances.
Sending love and strength your way.
Sorry for your loss. What helps me personally is to remember the good times we had together and their good qualities. I have had people on all sides of the spectrum pass away.
In life I avoid people that cause a lot of issues. Especially at this age i’m not giving you a pass because something happened 30 years ago and you’re still using it as an excuse to be high or drunk, borrow money and not pay it back, be condescending and invalidating, be somewhere from unpleasant to nasty etc. But I try to still maintain compassion from a distance and realize we are all human. At times I didn’t handle life well - I was a chronic drunk for 20 years, and I don’t blame people that got the french toast away from me when I was in those behaviors. But I do hope they will do the same for me when I’m gone - realize I was human, focus on my good qualities and remember the good times. Not to wedge this in there but I’m into Jesus and that’s who comforts me through these times but it’s up to each person to decide what they believe.
