As I approach 2 weeks of sobriety I find my mind constantly playing tricks on me. Last night my wife fell asleep early and my stupid alcoholic brain wanted to go to the local one stop, buy some scotch and drink it before she awoke.
The sober ( sensible / rational ) side of me knew that was a bad idea and that A) I’d never get away with it and B) I’d ruin all the hard work and soul searching it’s taken to get to this point.
I suppose my question to the masses here is will that feeling ever subside? I find myself craving less and less of an evening ( big nightime drinker ) but that itch is still there. As a man who grew up with an alcoholic mother and a father that in today’s world would be considered a functioning alcoholic I don’t want my kids to have the upbringing I did. I guess that gives me strength and purpose.
Apologies for the nonsensical rambling, just trying to empty my head before I try and get some shut eye, I must say that is getting easier as the time goes on, every cloud and all that.
Thanks for reading and any feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks for sharing! You are doing amazing things and making great choices. It is so hard, I’m a night time, alone, trying to sneak shots when it’s so obvious I’ve been drinking, drinker. I just self talk and find a quick distraction (cleaning, laundry, walk the dog) in which it turns to a longer distraction then the urge goes away. Or I open this app, and find someone I can uplift. I will do anything to stay distracted because night time is hard for me too. You got this, stay strong 🫶🏽
Someone on here told me back then that I was just romanticizing the drink. I’m my case wine. It actually did drive me a bit crazy for quite awhile. Of course it does go away. Sometimes it would come and go. Come out of no where.
For me. I’d change things up a bit. Take a shower at night when wife was already in bed. I never do that. I’m an early morning shower person. On my walks if I was romanticizing the drink I’d change up the music. Go a different route. Basically fuck with my brain by changing things up and confusing it. I even got toilets pretty clean at night
And i’d come on here and and find people to support or celebrate recovery with them. Or check out the memes, or pets, or nature threads, etc……
ODAAT
Wow… The awareness you have now shows just how much work you’re putting into yourself.
Isn’t the brain an amazing yet complicated organ? Our minds can work for us or just as easily against.
This won’t go away in my experience or understanding of addictive behaviours but it does get quieter with commitment and dedication to sobriety.
Keep up the amazing work and if I can share… What you’re using is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy technique called the ABC’s. It’s disputing our irrational belief system by expanding the way we see events in any given situation.
Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support, it really does mean the world to me and reaffirms my faith in humanity.
I recently got out of a detox centre I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I can’t remember the last time I went this long without something to numb my brain ( booze, weed etc. )
A few weeks before I went in my little girl ( she’s 3 ) told me that she had two daddies, a daytime daddy and a nighttime daddy and that, well, kind of snapped me in half. In realising what I’d become and knowing my mother drank herself to death it became apparent that I was on the same road, and it’s not a road I wish to walk anymore.
If sobriety is listening to other people who have empathy and genuine care for the wellbeing of others then I am all in for the journey. Next milestone is 30 days, but for now I’ll just focus on tomorrow. One step at a time.
I also hurt my children in my addiction and they feared having to “find a new family”. That pain created so much shame and guilt… But also motivation. I never EVER wanted to cause that again.
In my sobriety I saw so many faults in my parenting even though I was viewed by many as being an amazing father.
It allowed me to improve my ability to be a parent but also best friend and crush that cycle I was enabling in the early stages.
I can definitely empathise with never wanting to be that guy again, my kids are young ( 3 years and 5 months ) but I realise I’ve just been an observer while my wife’s done all the work.
( booze, weed etc. )
