I haven’t been on in a while and honestly, I miss this place. A little over 2 years ago I decided to quit drinking. I was 2 years out of a divorce and had several failed relationships. I attributed it to my drinking. I didn’t really drink a lot (to drunkeness) but did drink daily on my days off. Most of relationships revolved around happy hour or alcohol related activities, so I cold turkey quit. Finished a Bachelors degree, promoted at work and all was looking goof but I still didn’t have a meaningful relationship.
This past weekend I got off of work. And took off on some back roads. I planned to find a nice spot in the Ozark mountains to camp and reflect. I was successful. I didn’t bring any food because I wanted to keep my mind open. Through the 48 hours of fasting and sitting in the woods, I realized that some of my issues were steeped from PTSD. I’ve been a firefighter and Paramedic for 19 years. 3 years of that as a flight medic. As you can imagine, I’ve seen some stuff in those 19 years. 3 years ago I was in the best shape of my life (44 then). During an international mountain bike race I suffered a heart attack 8 miles into a 30 mile race. I didn’t give up and still finished the next 22 miles. Beat a lot of people too…
. That event triggered something and subsequently started having panic attacks. I still work through those but sometimes they effect my job. Imagine being in a house fire and having a panic attack while breathing through an SCBA! Even though I’ve been stone cold sober for over 2 years I still struggled to find out why things weren’t better than I expected. I found my answer while in solitude out in the woods. Sometimes it isn’t a single thing that Is holding us back. You have to get away, step out of that comfort zone and truly look into yourself. If it doesn’t work. Do it again. Research what you want, confidence, assertiveness, calmness, happiness, etc. Then step away and truly give yourself what you need to find that next step.
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One of my favorite teachers on my spiritual journey tells me to get out of my own way.
You definitely figured out how to get out of your own way!
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