20 days being sober and challenges

My dear sobers, I don’t know why exactly but my last two days of sobriety (reached 20 days) were bit hard. Maybe because I pushed myself too early into finding a relationship on platform similar to Tinder, without tangible success. I’m 42, doing sports, feeling fit, have very decent job and living a comfortable life. Maybe a bit too comfortable though people who know me do appreciate the intensity and hard work I put into doing sports. Sometimes I’m confronted with stories of successful people who are managers, leaders, have important function at work while I’m somewhere in the middle aware of my past when I was drinking during nights rather than putting some efforts into educating myself, working and so on. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. Happy I’m off alcohol, grateful God gave me strength not to buy alcohol and drink especially during the last two days during my down-time, grateful I’m healthy, able to do sports but there’s a hole / gap somewhere within me I need to fulfill. Certainly there’s someone who understands? Any advice? Thank you…


Hi and well done on 20 days for me when i attempted to get sober after my separation from my wife i too thought i was missing like a partner or whatever and forced myself to use dating apps and such but it put a pressure on myself that i couldnt handle,anyway i went to a singles event with a camping theme and low and behold i broke and drank (due to my belief no one would like me sober) so 89 days sober gone.

It was hard to come back from that but i have (55 days ) by going to meetings and counselling and ive discovered that the thing i think that is missing is knowing myself and forgiving myself its been 30 years of drinking only months knowing sober chris and im concentrating on me for a while ive even signed up to volunteer at a heart foundation shop as i wish to do some good .
Someone said there are 2 things in early sobriety that can easily make u fail and its relationships and finances so at minute im trying to manage both for me.

Hope that helps goid luck on your journey adaat :+1::muscle:

Congratulations on ur 20 days!!! Way to go!!!

I can absolutely relate to this 100%. Even from an early age i felt this “void”, like something was missing. And i spent decades filling it with outside sources attempting to make myself feel better. Wether that was drugs and alcohol, sex, shopping, relationships, and exercise etc. The reality, for me anyway, is that i really have to focus on filling that void internally. Working on myself from the inside out and being happy in my own skin. I find spirituality to help me alot with this also.

In the 12 step rooms, they also suggest not to make any huge changes within the 1st year (like getting into a relationship) bcuz it can potentially create unnecessary emotional turmoil if it doesnt go well, which could lead to a relapse. This may not be true to everyone, but its certainly true for me. Take time to get ur footing in recovery. With recovery all things are possible! Things will come to u and doors will open up for u, when its the right time :slight_smile: Wishing u all the best!