20 days, new here

Hi All -Starting to feel good after 20 days AF, the longest stretch without D or A since my teens. Have tried a few times before to get sober but 11 days was the longest I managed. This time is different hence why I’m here I guess. Not doing a program or anything so I figure I should join in what seems to be a really supportive community.


Welcome and congrats on your 20! Keep checking in here, amazing please for help, support and just general talking


Welcome Kyle! :wave: Congratulations buddy. One day at a time is how you win. Every day is a step forward :innocent:

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It’s funny how decades roll through while under the influence, subtly weaving their habits deeper into our psyche till its hard to differentiate between who we are and what we do. Some say we are what we do regularly and I suppose there’s some truth to that, but if that’s all of it, then why the cognitive dissonance? Clearly there’s a level of discontentment we’re noticing and then rationalizing as we falter and relapse back to our compulsions. Personally I think there is/we are something more and then we build either towards that which is greater or that which takes away and when we’re off the path and building towards the unsustainable, fleeting, destructive, self-serving then we feel that discontent. When we ignore that then guilt, anxiety and physical ailments worsen.

If you’re here I’d guess you’re trying to get on the path towards something more again. Good, for the other way is generally humiliation and death… or at least a “less than” version of what our life could be. While on this path I’d advise to pay attention to those subtle influences and triggers our habits have set like traps in our psyche not just to prevent a stumble, but perhaps to gain true insight into whatever this life may have for us because by learning our limitations we can also learn where to look for some answers… It’s like the game clue, no one has all the cards. :wink:

Sorry if I’m rambling, just some morning thoughts from someone who spent decades under the influence and now has a nice life with a few special coins.

Take care, be well


Hi Kyle! Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on 20 days, the first couple of weeks are really tough and 20 days is massive!! This place is amazing, I come here a couple of times a day and I couldn’t of managed my sober time without it. I hope it is the same for you.

This is exactly the reason why I come here… @Kdog i think this is so so true and I’m thankful for your knowledge. :arrow_down::arrow_down::arrow_down::ok_hand:

For so long I forgot who I am and it is a journey of constant revelations for me. Thank you for sharing this :pray:t2::two_hearts:


Thanks Kdog, what you say is true. I have for most of my life weaved my addictions into my identity and too easily just accepted it as an intrinsic part of me, only to come up against the dissonance, feeling the need to change, time and time again, which I then too quickly ignore or forget and fall back into old patterns, either because of good times or bad. But lately it’s all been bad times - right when I thought I had it made, starting to do really well in life, sustaining the myth of a functional alcoholic. Turns out really I was just hanging by a thread mentally and physically and I lost the plot a few months ago. A lot of factors involved but mainly because of my drinking -a horror 6 months. I lost stability and then my drinking got me back to square one. Now I’m trying to rebuild the right way. I’ve got a long slow road back. One day at a time right? Hope to learn some new tools here to deal with life in recovery.


Thanks Blondie!

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I’d like to say I’m sorry to hear about all of your suffering, but perhaps more accurate statement is that I stand with you in solidarity. Suffering is often the only thing that dissolves the ego and leads us to growth… of course if we could do that without the associated loss which usually proceeds the suffering then we’d have what I’d define as healthy growth. And that can come in time, but for now I think it’s best to build that road you need to walk down. Cause the thing about it is that you will likely have to lay the bricks of healthy habits while digging up all the roots of addiction that are in your way while simultaneously doing what is one of the hardest tasks in the human experience, to not get tricked by our addict mind! It’s a lot! A fuckin lot!!

But the thing is that you are a beautiful person with treasures in you like power beyond measure (not exaggerating in the least!) It might sound stupid and contrary to your mental narrative at this time, but it is true. just trust me here, it’s important cause on this path there will be heaping plates of acceptance (which simply means to not fight reality, not negotiate or try to change it to what we want, but instead put aside our thoughts and… accept). This is key in recovery as our wants are corrupted by the compulsive habits we have let grow like vines, strangling the better parts of our existence.

One day at a time is a good way to look at things. This is also a good time of year to stop as you can socially use the excuse that you gave up drinking for the new year to get healthier or whatever so you won’t have the additional stress of outwardly stating you’re exploring recovery.

I wish you well my friend and sibling in recovery, if you have any thoughts, questions or ideas feel free to reach out (fyi i do often leave the platform as i dislike social media, but if I’m here I’ll always take time)

My progress is largely a product of recovery dharma/refuge recovery and my integration of Buddhist practices into my life in general.

And here’s a meme


I needed that so much today, thanks heaps! Unfortunately my recovery is only one of many challenges I’m currently facing that I can’t do while drinking. Thanks Kdog, appreciate ya :pray:

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You are welcome man. You see I have an obligation… I remember being like two or three days sober, sitting in my car after work literally White Knuckling it, holding on to steering wheel and my middle console fighting to not break down and drink, and I was losing just like I always did before. Then I logged in here and Funnydad (his SN of course) said something to me that changed the tide. I didn’t drink that day, or the next and while I had so much work I had to do, I attribute all my success to that moment and his help… that stranger’s words literally saved my life. So I am thankful if I can help even a little bit.

Sobriety has a lot of almost cliches tossed around but when we think about what the words mean we realize the reason why theyre said so much is because they’re so intensely profound. Here’s one that’s close to my heart.

I have to put my sobriety first so that everything else doesn’t come in last.

For me and for all the other addicts basically everything has to come after our sobriety and I’ve seen countless people falter because they don’t accept their sobriety on its terms but instead put stipulations of how they want it to be.

My life, my family my children, my job, my finances, my hobbies, my health… everything.
everything is 2nd and contingent on my sobriety so if I want any of those things to even exist my sobriety has to be present.

For me and all those successful recovering addicts that’s just reality and while at times it seems like that reality is a big price tag (perhaps socially, vocational, interpersonally with family or spouse, legally ect) I’m telling you as someone who is doing fuckin awesome that you will be paid back 10 fold in ways you never imagined if you stay the course, do the work and stay sober.

Not only does it get way easier, it gets so much better :slightly_smiling_face:

For now trust my life motto: Trajectory always trumps position. No matter where you are in life whether you’re someone who seems to have everything and it all together or you’re living under a fuckin bridge with infected wounds it’s true.

Trajectory over position!

The angle that you are moving towards will dictate your future position so the only thing that matters is where you’re going. where are you pointed, what are you working towards? because if you have everything and you’re living wrong you’re going to end up down and if you have nothing and you’re living right you will end up and if you have everything and you’re living right you will actually redefine what the top is!

Just think about it.

Be well. There’s always people here to help and I’ll continue to keep you in my nightly meditation.

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Hey bro, just figured id check in and see how you’re doing?

Hey man thanks for checking in! It’s day 30 and haven’t been tempted yet but otherwise it’s been a struggle to stay positive. About to get ready for work, can I PM you later?


Always man! Sorry about the delayed response