I am 21 days sober today. My husband drinks everyday and I just stay in another room staying business. But he brings home my alcohol of choice,vodka and Bourbon which makes me feel he’s trying to tempt me. Then we’re going to a concert next Tuesday, I told him that is going to be a real test for me and I’m really nervous about going. What he said to me really made me mad, he said " there is nothing wrong with going to a concert and having 1 or 2 drinks, it won’t hurt you" I’m a BINGE DRINKER I can’t have just one so I can’t HAVE JUST ONE at a concert either!! He really is trying to sabotage my sobriety!! What do I do?? Advice??
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Are you working any recovery programs? I suggest you start surrounding yourself with people in sobriety who understand. As for your husband…this is your sobriety, not his…you might think about setting some boundaries with him. Sit down and have a real talk about your struggle and what you expect within your home.
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That’s so hard I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Have you tried to sit him down when he’s sober and really explain why you can’t have just one? I was struggling with this with my bf but I found once I explained why this is so important and how serious the situation is and why I can’t even just “Go out and have a beer”. Once we communicated he’s been much more understanding and helpful.
I hope he supports you but remember you’re doing this for you and that there’s lots of other support out there; this forum, AA/ other support group meetings, I like using the tools on the Smart Recovery website you can print them out or get the handbook, meditation, spirituality, prayer, exercise. Find what works for you and use as many tools as you can. You can do this, we’re all here for you.
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My wife and I were the same way for the past 17 years. This has to be something you guys do together. If not, and your serious about your recovery, you may have to make the extremely difficult decision to remove yourself from the situation. I promise you that if your around it, at some point sooner than later the temptation will win.
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I’m not in any recovery programs. Just been doing it on my own by staying busy and away from the bars. It’s not been too awfully bad only a few times I’ve felt pretty weak but one of the main things that have kept me from drinking is I don’t want to restart my sobriety timer on here!! My weaknesses happen when I walk in my kitchen and see a bottle on the counter!! I’ve been able to walk away, a little Shakey , away from it!!
I have had exactly the same comments said to me, such ‘you can have a drink with your dinner one won’t hurt’. But it’s never one with me I carry on with wine and then hit the whiskey until I am sick and blackout.
Am still trying to figure out why partners are so flippant and don’t understand the seriousness of the disease we have. I can only think they are ignorant to the full facts. It is my choice to be sober and his comments make me more determined to prove him wrong I am strong and I don’t want to be ruled for the rest of my life.
I was a secret drinker as my partner works nights so he doesn’t know what I did drink I hid it well. But I know what I have done to myself physically and mentally. It’s only me who can change x
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I’ve been dealing with a similar situation with my husband. It’s tough. I have 15 days sober and it feels great. I have one girlfriend who doesn’t drink so it’s nice to have somebody there i can talk to about my sobriety… barely hanging on sober isn’t the life I imagined I would have. I’d love to be able to have “just one” with my husband, but I’ve tried that several times with the same result every time. If I had one tomorrow, it would end up being 10. So it’s something I have to have the will power to say no to.
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I’m not a formal program person myself but being that your husband drinks everyday and is bring it home as opposed to going out to drink when he wants to…I’m have to agree with MEl and say that surrounding yourself with non drinkers is probably the way to go. You need to counter the direct and in direct messages your surrounded my at home.
There’s a good chance your no drinking is making your husband Annalise his own relationship with alcohol and he is not too comfortable with what he sees. Misery loves company. Not that he’s miserable but you get the idea: if your drinking it’s easier for him to drink comfortably.
In the long run I think the @the_storage_guy may be right, my BF has other addictions very rarely drinks and never smokes cigarettes. NOW we are both working together to get better, but prior to that, he was sabotaging my attempts at getting sober because he didn’t want to be discovered or to have to stop what he was doing.
It was better and easier for him if I was busy being drunk. As soon as he was busted and was being held accountable for HIS actions, my drinking and smoking was no longer acceptable in any form.
I’m ny opinion start with keeping your sobriety to yourself, going to meetings or therapy or some other form of consistent support, and any time he brings your favourite alcohol into the house, dump it.
He may get mad but he needs to respect your health and well being. If you keep doing it he is most likely going to not want to waste the money again.
Here is a link to some worksheets, check out the ones about values and goals etc:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm
You may also want to google worksheets on creating and implementing healthy boundaries. This made a huge difference for me, and ultimately helped me get my BF on board. If you have a hart time finding a good one, let me know I’ll try and find the one I used.
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I understand. My partner seems to want to constantly sabotage me. Im on day 3 again of not drinking but i finally feel this is it. Im ready to change. He drinks daily and when ive told him im not drinking he buys me a bottle of wine or a can or 2 of vodka and of course if its there i will drink it and then want more. Even this afternoon he was going to the shop and repeatedly asked me if i wanted anything. I think its more to make themselves feel better about their issues with alcohol and scared it will change the relationship. Tbh im scared it will change our relationship but im hoping for the better and he will cut down on his drinking. Stick with it. Your doing this for you!!
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