I thought I’d update everyone, I’m sitting in front of the meeting just wanting to go in. I’m nervous but I need this. I do hope I’m in the right place 
here we go i guess, I’ll keep you updated
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Good job! Enjoy your meeting!
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You were so right and it was the most amazing best choice I could have ever made. I got to meet beautiful people and I felt understood and accepted. It was a “just for today” meeting and I really connected with the reading about guilt. I will be back next week for sure!
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Yay:+1:
@Princessbabygirl I’m so chuffed for you. I did a just for today meeting today too 
… your on your way now .that was the bravest and best decision ever !!!if you can do that you can do anything 
you’ll start enjoying your sobriety soon
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Oh, can I ever relate to this.
I am so happy that you went to a meeting. I am a firm believer that surrounding myself with like-minded people who want to find a new way to live is where I need to be.
This is why I keep going back to meetings, nobody can relate to me like another addict. Nobody has felt the pain and despair I have other than another addict. Addiction is its own kind of suffering and only we can really relate to each other.
I just wanted to touch a bit on your first post about wanting to stay in addiction, and I will speak for myself. I personally wanted this only for the numbness. The disassociation from my body and insane mind. I just couldnt get away from the pain any other way. Since being in recovery I have found other ways. I have learned ways to positively disassociate from my mind and my body. Ways like meditation and pranayama (traditional breathwork). So instead of getting out of my head and slowly commiting suicide, I get out of my head and heal all of the damge I caused over the 33 years I was using.
There is a meditation thread that you can scroll through if you’re interested. My brain was a fooking mess when I arrived, and for 2 years after that. It takes time and lots of practice, and if youre anything like me you will have a massive amount of time on your hands now that you arent using.
Meditation for Serenity 2021-2024! (tips, tricks & discussion/ 3 years running woot!)
Hope you had a good day.
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In 7 hours I’ll be at day 5. I’ve been struggling with cravings but today I am angry. I’m angry at everyone and everything. I have been not doing too bad but today something is different. I don’t even want to smoke to get high, I want to smoke to feel regulated. I think I’ve been riding the high of going to my first meeting and being proud of my sobriety but I just want to kill everyone. I don’t want to be touched, the tiniest thing sets me off. I think because yesterday was the first day I was at home and alone and that seems to be a big trigger for me. I went to my first trivia night on Friday because I knew being alone would not do well with me. I will join the gym next week but it’s not open today, but I feel like I have this crazy energy I need to get out. I’ve been cleaning my house and realising that I had been putting smoking ahead of living in a clean environment. Similarly to my health. I did talk to my partner about his smoking and my meeting and we went through the “are you an addict” pamphlet and I think it was a good chance for him to reflect. I asked if he wanted to keep smoking and he said hopefully not. He is very adamant that he doesn’t have a problem. He thinks I’m silly for going to a meeting because that’s for “real addicts who can’t function”. I explained that even though we were high functioning addicts that isn’t really functioning at all only at the bare minimum. He is proud of me though. I think he might judge me for continuing to go to meetings but it really gives me the strength and tools to stay sober. One of the pamphlets said how an addict alone is in bad company and I have never related more!!! My addiction would isolate me and I am too used to being alone. I am pushing myself to be open to social interactions. I want to do what’s best for me. Sorry this is soooo all over the place, I had so much to vent.
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Extremely proud of u for the hard work uv put into ur recovery. Ur doing the next right thing and its paying off!
This is exactly why i go to the gym. I get pent up negative energy that needs to be released or i go stir crazy. I hope that ur able to find a good gym to go to. But for the meantime, a good walk or even some stretching or jumping jacks could help. Just to move the body and release that energy.
I hope that ur able to rest tonight so that ull feel a bit better in the morning. Its okay to feel angry (as awful as it feels), its just what we do with that emotion that counts 
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Learning to sit alone with ourselves, with our feelings and thoughts in full force…and not use…that will prove a valuable tool for you.
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My partner left for work and left some weed behind. He told me he would hide it or take it but he didn’t. I sat and thought about smoking and let the anxiety eat me up. I just grabbed it and threw it into the garden. I told him and I can’t have the temptation staring me in the face for the next 8 hours. I’m proud of myself. All the thoughts in my head were stabbing me saying everyone has a little slip up and if I only had one it would be ok and it would be easy to just have one. But I knew I was tricking myself and this is my last chance to do it right and I deserve better.
@Its_me_Stella thank you so much for your advice, I definitely use as a way to dissociate, and I will try some medication and breathe work! I’m glad I’m not alone
@Butterflymoonwoman I’ve done some stretching now but I am excited to start at the gym again. It’s always been a great relief and will be another way I can get out of the house
@Aussie_Tiger I’m trying to get there, but right now, I just need to get through the day
@19801 thank you so so much for helping to convince me to go to the meeting. I can feel it will truly be the best thing for me on my journey and I just needed that push
Thank you all xx
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5 days is huge!!! I remember the anger I felt when i quit. For me. It was a short stage. Keep on saying “no!”
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@Princessbabygirl Fair shout well done !!! Leave it out there ( I hope it rains ) You don’t need to thank me but I appreciate it . Something similar happened to me last night, I’m at my mums for the weekend (I have to be here because my daughter stays at the weekend I live in a bed sit with my own bathroom but not child appropriate) she’s been really good about putting her weed away but for the last week it’s stinking everytime I walk in and when I’m here also she’s leaving bits on my table that she never even skins up on WTF also it’s in other places around the house for me to see .she knows what she’s doing ! She also had a pop at me for enjoying and attending so many meetings… it’s pure resentment because I’m happy and healthy right now. I can see it all through sober eyes , I collected all the bits gave it to her and asked if she could not leave it about when I’m here ,this prompted a response of oh shut up will you it’s my fucking house 
…never mind shit happens people happen, still fucking sober …I let go of my negative feelings straight away and get on with whats making me happy in my sobriety and let my higher power deal with other people 
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So good!!! 
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Amazing! Very proud of you for getting rid of the drugs.
How are you feeling today?
Today has been hard, getting home from work and knowing I can’t smoke made me want to die. But I talked to my mum on the phone, had a shower, made a healthy dinner, ate some cookies and now I’m in bed very early but I feel drained. I want to cry. I’ve been feeling so proud but now I feel miserable and sorry for myself. I wish my meeting was sooner, Thursday feels so far away and I know I’ll feel better after. I have felt so annoyed at my partner and resentful when he smokes. I don’t want to feel this way. I will push myself more tomorrow but for today I’m giving myself some grace
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Yes it is, but the silly thing is that it isn’t my drug of choice, I have been addicted to pain pills (preferably Xanax) but I would fill that hole and craving using anything I could get my hands on. But yes, it has been weed that has taken over my life using it as a substitute in its own way of that makes sense haha
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This sounds familiar. I have also smoked a lot for years and now that I’ve been without weed for 28 days, I feel already completely new person or should I say, I feel like me, not the stoner who was lost, paranoid, constantly anxious and couldn’t do anything without weed. Although everyone has their right to do anything they want, I find it terrifying that cannabis is legal in so many countries all over the world and it’s becoming a norm like alcohol. So fucked up. Weed should stay illegal because it can really messes one’s head for good, it’s really addictive and dangerous especially for young people whose brains are still developing.
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Whoo hoo, congratulations on your first week sober. Proud of you.
Keep doing what you’re doing 
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Just WOW! Look at you and how amazing you are doing! Nobody said it would be easy Bella but its so worth it and you are worth it…i am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! 
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