Oh, can I ever relate to this.
I am so happy that you went to a meeting. I am a firm believer that surrounding myself with like-minded people who want to find a new way to live is where I need to be.
This is why I keep going back to meetings, nobody can relate to me like another addict. Nobody has felt the pain and despair I have other than another addict. Addiction is its own kind of suffering and only we can really relate to each other.
I just wanted to touch a bit on your first post about wanting to stay in addiction, and I will speak for myself. I personally wanted this only for the numbness. The disassociation from my body and insane mind. I just couldnt get away from the pain any other way. Since being in recovery I have found other ways. I have learned ways to positively disassociate from my mind and my body. Ways like meditation and pranayama (traditional breathwork). So instead of getting out of my head and slowly commiting suicide, I get out of my head and heal all of the damge I caused over the 33 years I was using.
There is a meditation thread that you can scroll through if you’re interested. My brain was a fooking mess when I arrived, and for 2 years after that. It takes time and lots of practice, and if youre anything like me you will have a massive amount of time on your hands now that you arent using.
Meditation for Serenity 2021-2024! (tips, tricks & discussion/ 3 years running woot!)
Hope you had a good day.