I have 26 days. Not my first time. You see, this past memorial day I was out drinking at a park…with my children. Just two drinks, right? Well, that two drinks has me now with CPS , and my finally and best friends have put their foot down on me being sober or no relationships. Honestly, I needed that. I’m actually thankful in ways that it happened. BUT…among those people my dad was the most upset. Hes always been the person to run to for safety, place to stay, financial support, emotional, everything. My dad is everything to me. Since this has happened his health has completely went out the window. I mean really in 2 months, today we started talking about a nursing home. Part of me is trying to stay positive that its not my fault. Then again, how does this happen right after the incident. My dad is going to pass ashamed of me. Hes going to pass worries about my children’s safety. Maybe I can use that guilt to stay sober. Even with all of this going on I don’t want to drink, but I do have a random urge for Norcros or Xanax. I usually take Xanax for my panic attacks but I’m very honest with my doctor and because I was drinking again after a bad experience with post partum we took me off until I was better. I feel like I need them to deal with this but I’m not going to turn to that. I just can’t handle this right now. I need more time to atleast show him I’m better to end his days on better terms. I just needed a rant. Haven’t been on in awhile and relapsed twice since then. Thanks for listening.
Great Job on your 26. Sorry to hear your dad’s health and the other stuff too. I feel focusing on the here & now…today is the best plan to plan for & work on. Develop good coping skills through therapy, exercise and meditation.
Fact: Benzos affect the same receptors as alcohol so not ever a good choice for those of us in the thirsty committee.
You don’t have to relapse ever again. We truly don’t ever need or have to feel like we did back then. My rant & hugs to ya.
No, he’s going to pass loving you.
And it’s up to you whether you’re going to be there sober or not when that happens.
Good Morning!!!
Congratulations on your 26 days! Take time to be proud of yourself for that! You mentioned that this was not your first time starting over? Fighting this battle is very difficult and being a part of community helps.
Praying for your Dad and You!
Post partum is not a joke so I can see how you fell off.
Try this exercise!
write on paper all the pros and cons of drinking! Of course we know what they are but it looks different on paper and not in your head. Tape it up near your mirror in your bathroom. Every morning look at yourself and read what you wrote. Say it OUT LOUD so you hear it and receive it. Close your eyes and take 3 DEEP BREATHS!
Once you open your eyes… Smile! (smiling helps the brain more then people know)! Hope you try it and it helps! 
I hope you have a great day! Keep going! You got This!!!