Monday was a difficult day for me. I woke up and had my usual 8am breakfast, a 19oz hard seltzer and two bong hits. At this point I had stopped thinking anything of this routine. I had been drinking heavily for the last 6 and half years, and for the past 9 months I was drunk almost 24/7.
That was until Monday happened and changed everything. I was sitting on my couch, buzzed, when my doctor called. She told me that my labs and ultrasound were significantly indicative of liver disease. “You are well on your way to cirrhosis if you don’t stop drinking now” are some of her exact words. I was in shock. Obviously I have known the long term effects of alcohol abuse… but I never saw it effecting me at 27.
I immediately hung-up and called my husband. I cried harder than I’ve cried in a long time. And even then, after just hearing that news, all I wanted was a drink to make the pain disappear. I still don’t know why my brain works this way.
Today is my 2nd day sober. This is not my first time starting this journey, but I’ve promised myself that it will be the last. I have to remind myself that as much as I want to drink, I want to live even more! Thank you for listening to my story… It’s been cathartic to share with people other than my husband.
You have an addiction. Your brain doesn’t automatically have this kind of pattern, and you can “un-learn” it; you can re-train your brain. But the reason you have this pattern now is that you have an addiction.
I say “I have an addiction” or “I live with an addiction” because I don’t personally like “I am an addict”. I am a human who makes choices. I choose to exercise, I choose to sleep (or not to sleep), I choose to attend my recovery meetings and learn and grow from them, and in my past I have chosen to do addiction things. I now choose not to do those things, and by working my program and reaching out and learning, I gain confidence to not do addiction things.
Pastime: I used to have this idea like addiction was a pastime, like “Why don’t I just spend this afternoon relaxing on the couch with my addiction”. Weird right? Like there are a lot of healthy pastimes that I can do regularly, in a balanced way - “relaxing on the couch with a book”, “relaxing on the couch with a puzzle”, “relaxing on the couch with some games” - and I started treating my addiction like a pastime, like it was something I could do just to pass the time.
Not any more.
Welcome to Talking Sober! You are a good person and you deserve a safe, clean life where you can be your full self, present, alive, with people who care about you. You can do it, one day at a time.
Hello @aura
This doctor calling could be the begin of a new life.
There is hope, keep in mind she told “you are on your way…if you do not stop drinkinhg…” being on the way means that you do not have reached your final destination. So, you are in the way to get down of the bus…
Get down and give up your past life. Stay positive and stick to your family. You are young, liver will be recovered and solution is simple but hard: do not drink even a sip, even drop. Drink nothing: that is the way.
Being down or upset is a temptation to continue the way of destruction. Surrender is not the path.
You can do this. Just do not drink today.
Welcome Aura!
Glad you found us. This forum is an excellent tool, but I found it wasn’t enough. Stopping drinking and living sober are 2 very different things. I had to change my whole way of thinking to live a sober life and I learned that in alcoholics anonymous. I hope you find some outside resources to help you in your journey. Wishing you the best.
Hello! I love the name Aura You are so brave for reaching out. The best thing you can do is gather as much support from all corners of your life and don’t look back. Push that restart button, friend!
I couldn’t truly grasp my situation until I could truly understand what was going on in my head! Not everyone starts their journey off this way but I’ll share what helped me. It’s a bit long but worth the listen.
We drink to die. It’s the hardest admission. If you desire life, you have to stop. And yet, it will be the hardest god dammed thing you will ever do. I love you. I hope your find what need in time. This is dangerous stuff.
Hi Aura, I’ve been a daily drinker for over 50 years, never believed I could stop, but my recent diagnosis of Atrial Fibrillation shook me to the extent that I am now on Day 58 Alcohol Free. I look on that diagnosis as a life-saver and my response to it as probably my last chance. This site has been a life-saver too. Reach out to it, it can only help and you can beat this.
You are so brave for reaching out. The best thing you can do is gather as much support from all corners of your life and don’t look back. Push that restart button, friend! 
