Today was ok. I was happier, hopeful, just in a better mood.
Possibly all the coffee haha.
Then lunch came, still good.
After lunch still good. Happy. Great. Fanfuckingtastic.
Then 330pm…
Blam.
Read something that totally sent me backwards.
I’m now trying to talk myself out of a “online shopping cart”.
Fuck. I don’t feel Fanfuckingtasti.
Or why bother.
Some quick back story-
Bf of 8 years and I bought another house this summer. Things were good.
Dec comes, assault charge (dropped) me and the kids had to leave the new house and go to the old house that we planned on renting out Jan 1st.
Nope.
We spoke after the charge was dropped and talked about when we can move home…
Then he went to his counselling apt.
Came over and lost it on me.
Found some old cans. Accused me.
Yadda yadda yadda.
Left angry.
So I said I’d hit up a meeting. I need his support.
His reply was "I’m done. I wish u the best. I’ll wait. I love u but can’t be with u right now. I have to deal with my mental health.
I get it. I haven’t been that good.
I feel everyone is rallying around him.
He has our house. All our stuff. What makes it homey.
I have borrowed furniture. A shit bed. Kids have their things. It’s not the same.
I feel suffocated. Horrible.
I want the support he has.
I want us to work together.
The saying, you loved me at me best now love me when I’m at my worst, or however it goes I feel applies…
My point… I lost it now, going to keep busy. Maybe more coffee.