I am three days sober after drinking 2 to 3 bottles of wine every night. My last binge was daily drinking for 2 half months - I drank secretly , I hid booze , I’d find any excuse - on sunday I reach for a beer at 11am - shocking but not if your cooking a roast right?? I have passed out every night for the last 10 years - on monday I felt terrible all the usual, day two I dreamt I had lizards crawling out of my legs - I woke up determined not to drink again but I know the weekend coming and my fuck it switch is ready to turn on again- hey I’ve got control ! It will be civilised- I wont drink on sunday - I know none of this will happen - so my question is how can I switch off the drinking light?
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Step out of the house try something new out of the norm go for a walk start a diary go to the museum maybe library look for a book poetry always helps! But at the end of this were all here together to help each other out. Our health and safety comes first
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I am right there with you. I am sober for a day, then celebrate the next day for doing good. Ugh.
Hi Wakeupandbetheman, I know the feeling, there were times I didn’t know if it was morning or night. I have 2 months under my belt, and I have AA to thank for that, do what it takes to get to an AA meeting, I want to see you make it through another day without drinking. You Got This.
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I’m right there with you. Same. Exact. Boat.
I’m on day 3 as well (again) and struggling hard (again). And I’m with you on the thought that “this time it will be civilized.” My shoulder devil keeps whispering “try moderation this time…you can do it!” and I swear to God that guy can be damn convincing. Of course, like you said, there’s no freaking chance of that happening.
I have 3 beautiful young kids and a loving wife and I tell myself that I want them to have the best dad and husband that I can offer. “Drunk in the morning” Dada (I called them breakfast beers) is not the best me that I can offer. I have a hard time finding a reason for sobriety other than for the sake of others. I’m scared that that might not be enough…I know it has to be for me first.
My longest dry spell since starting to quit about a year ago has been 3 months. I was proud of that but now that seems so impossible (let alone never touching booze again). At some point during those 3 months I remember choosing not to drink for no reason other than stubbornness. I couldn’t remember clearly enough how much a hangover sucks so that didn’t keep me from drinking. I was just counting the days and getting more obstinate by the day. That doesn’t necessarily feel like a healthy way to live though. When I finally gave in a drank I was pretty full of rage. Yeah, not healthy.
I don’t know…I’m just rambling. I have nothing of value to add other than just to say that I’m with you…I really don’t want to drink this weekend. I’m afraid I will. I want this to be the time that cold turkey sticks. My shoulder devil doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about
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I’m day 2 (again). I feel you. We must do it for ourselves, a bigger purpose. The drinking/feeling like shit pattern has to be broken at some point or we’re going to get old (if we’re lucky) look back on our lives and think “what a waste” or we can rewrite our ending now. That’s the beauty of it all. We have control today and right now of what our future can be. I keep telling myself this. Especially today. Little devil pays rent on my shoulder. So I know.
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One day, two day, three day, each sober day is precious. Moderation does not work for me. I am not able to drink, even one drink for it is never one drink. For now, enjoy each day, hour or minute. Build on those moments. Come here often and find the support group/plan that helps you get to the next day. Goal is it to not drink again, bit if you do, look in the mirror and identify why you took that drink and figure out how not to be in the place again. For me, I am an alcoholic and only absencenece works. I went 16 yrs with out a drink but learned recently that time means nothing. Only today matters and I am not drinking today. That way I can enjoy tomorrow without guilt, shame or regret.
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Day 3 I’d start to feel the effects of humanity reaching in, I’d feel pretty normal, the hangover gone, perfect time to chuck it in the fuckit bucket right?
Wrong.
The feeling of normal, the human feeling is because of not drinking.
Give up hope of moderation, that you can make some silly ass little rule that’ll prevent you from drinking “like that” (hell if you gotta make some type of rule to control your drinking it’s beyond being a small problem anyways) and you’ll have more success.
As far as drinking in secret, HA. Drinking effects us in so many ways it’s not even funny, from the way we sound, to smell, to facial expressions and most certainly to the way we think and behave.
Keep trudging, getting sober is cake, staying sober is an endless pursuit.
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Hi guys thanks for the messages it’s crazy we all feel the same hidden away in our own worlds , I have woken up on day four after a better sleep , determined not to drink but yes can still feel that arsehole on my shoulder. I’m not going to beat myself up today and even try a short run but I know the build up to friday nights coming. My husband is also a heavy drinker and usually my partner in crime, we would both vow to stop and one of us would always crack come friday I guess it’s two shoulder devils were fighting. This time I’m determined not to drink even if he does. You guys are brilliant I think the best thing we can do is keep being honest as it drowns out that voice saying drink . Stay strong just for one more day - I keep telling myself drinking beer at 11am and blacking out is not normal - no matter how good you feel today you have a problem , beat it! I have a small moment of sobriety and I dont want to loose it x
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That is exactly what kept me going in the early days.
I knew how hard it had been to keep the " shoulder devil " quiet.
Every day won to me was a victory that I was not going to forget, no matter how loud the little shit got!
It does get easier, but at the present time, just concentrate on now, this day, this moment.
Don’t think about the future, Friday or the weekend.
Just now, all you have to do is stay sober now.
Stick to here, you will find great support and love.
Read what people say and have an open mind towards what you can be doing to support yourself.
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To all of you I whole heartedly recommend “the 30 day alcohol experiment” it is free . It’s by Annie Grace the author of THIS NAKED MIND which you will find recommended on here a lot. You sign up online and then you get a daily email lesson that then takes you to a link with a video lesson or information video, I’m on day 27 and I can from the bottom of my heart tell you it has changed my life. My whole mindset and perception of things has shifted dramatically. Just give it a go with an open mind. You literally have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain. Wishing you all luck and Love 
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Maybe try a meeting they will help and make it easier wish you well
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ME TOOOOOOOOOO!! I am on day 10 again. The F-Switch was implanted without me knowing (bad joke). PTSD eats me alive and with all the therapy, meetings etc. The switch is ready to be flipped. When I feel it every so slightly moving to the on position I get up and start moving. Do something do ANYTHING to turn off that circuit breaker. Move Move Move. Hang tough💪
I felt your pain reading that. Your family is on your other shoulder, THEY are what’s going to get you to the next day. Do it for your kids; take it from someone who grew up in an alcoholic home; it still effs with me.
That’s the part that’s driving me right now and that I’m trying to cling to. The voice on my shoulder wants me to believe that SOMETIMES alcohol actually helps me be a BETTER dad. Like if I come home from work tired and anxious I may find myself holed up in my office rather than interacting with my family. But a couple of whiskeys later and who knows?..I might suddenly be happy silly Dada again. Im trying to remind myself that that may be the case 1 out of 10 times (or less). The other 9 times, I could just as easily sink into a day of despair in that damn office that I may not pull out of until the binge is over. Or worse, I may rage at nothing in particular and take it out on whoever dares to come around me.
This is good. That man is not me. I don’t want to eff these guys up because that isn’t me and it isn’t who I strive to be. Gah…sorry everyone…especially OP, I don’t mean to write so much on your thread.
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Write away my friend. It means you haven’t given up…and don’t.
I have a friend with 2 grown kids and 2 little ones. He’s been sober over 5 years and is so happy the little ones will never know him drunk. Just know kids don’t miss a trick.
My dad died in January and I went to say goodbye, I forgave him; I wasn’t close to him but I cried like I never have…my sister was surprised as was I. It runs deep to the core of a person.
I know exactly what you mean have three kids - I dont go out and told myself it was because of them - in reality it meant I could sit home and drink myself into oblivion with only them to see - I can wake up after a black out and get them to school, give them a few fun times but that does not make me a good mum , ffs I should not be blacking out at all around them at all. I put buying wine and drinking in front of them - if they had parties or anything after school or at the weekends I would talk them out of it so I could drink ! Trick or treating was done at a speed march so I could get home and open the booze - I was there for them but my love of drinking came first - I want to say no more which is why I’m so scared of the weekend d
It’s so easy to convince myself that I’m actually a pretty good dad, even with the occasional blackout (okay, not so occasional). And if I need to be selfish here and there and spend time in my office with a bottle, well, good parents need me time, too. What I’ve been noticing though is like you’re saying, even the good times are turning sour because I become fixated on the booze or on my next “me time”. I tell myself that the good times with the kids are so good that the bad times aren’t so bad. But I’m distant and I know that matters. And I can lose my temper and I know that matters.
I still distinctly remember one episode when I was a little kid (probably 3 years old…the same age as my kids) cowering under a table with my little brother while my mom and dad screamed at each other above. It wasn’t directed towards me but I still remember that horrible feeling of hopelessness and distance from my parents. I tell myself now that all it takes is one bad episode. To a kid that could color everything. Or more likely, what I call “one bad episode” is more likely a pattern of poor behavior that my kids saw long before I admitted it and it’s been coloring their view of life with that hopeless loneliness that I’ve internalized. God…this sounds so depressing but I need it so much. It’s like fuel for my sobriety.
Good luck to you and for whatever it’s worth, just know that there is at least one other person going through what sounds like pretty much the same exact thing that you are. I know reading about your struggle this week has helped me so thank you. I don’t yet know that I can do this, but I believe I can.
There are quite a few threads on spouses who still drink. My husband still drinks. We were partners in crime, drinking and drugging, for all our relationship (20+ years), til I got sober. It isn’t easy getting sober with someone who drinks a lot in the house, but it can be done.
And I understand the cycle of a few days sober, then back to drinking. As well as drinking several bottles of wine a night to blackout for years…that was me. It took A LOT of stops and starts before I was able to string together more than a few days. For me, I had to keep trying and I spent a lot of time going to bed early or to our bedroom early to get away from my husband drinking. I also found some night time classes to get me out of the house when wine o clock came. Took walks or yoga or fitness classes. Changed my routines a lot.
What once seemed insurmountable and impossible …sobriety…is now my way of life. I drank for 40+ years. My life has changed so much for the better. My brain is way more at peace and I have self confidence and self respect. Never give up.
Yes made it through friday no drink, no blackout, no waking up cold on the sofa in my clothes, no anxiety - winning!! Just saturday now and that devil voice is strong. My husband suggested the cinema tonight. In the past I could not possibly sit through a film, even a Disney one with my kids with out taking a few tins of g & t or a few sneaky bottles of wine - plus a few stops at the pub on the way and way back ! My kids are so lucky - most get taken for ice cream after the cinema - Then of course home to two or three bottles of wine - the main event! I want this to be different - the trouble is the kids have gone to nannys for a sleepover and that devil voice is saying go on it will be fun, start again Sunday when the kids are back - after 6 days of not drinking I seem to have forgotten I have a major problem ! Do I want to go back to dreaming nightmares - No - I big time have a fear of missing out on a whole sat experience in the pub!! Pathetic ! Gonna take each hour at a time, I got through last night so can get through sat , off for a run in the rain in a bit as it helps me to tell that devil to get stuffed ! Happy Saturdays
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