So yeah, officially about 3 days sober.
Im 90% sure that my drinking cost me the best job I ever had but they’re waiting on a corporate decision.
So they told me to just keep coming in 
the anxiety is killing me, and it makes it that much harder not to drink.
Coupled with the violent mood swings and lack of sleep this is a major struggle.
Sorry I keep posting, I just like getting it out there.
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Hi 
three days is great, the first 10 days was the hardest for me. I’m sorry that you’re going through all of that stress. I’m really pleased that you are posting, it’s very good for your journey for you to get stuff out in the open. This place is great for that, always someone around to listen and help if needs be. I hope things become better for you soon. 
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Can you email in a request to be put on a mandated recovery program? Medical request.
To be clear: this is not an excuse; it is a commitment to your health. You commit to monitored attendance at a recovery program, whatever medical monitoring they require, and psychological support (through groups and/or counselling). It’s the same as a diabetic (like me) committing to monitor his blood sugar. (Because unmonitored blood sugar creates danger, not only to myself but also to others on the road if I’m driving with hypoglycaemia.)
Many companies have policies in their HR department regarding employee health and well being. Can you ask to commit to this here?
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Like Matt said, I’d be spending some time looking in to your company’s policies regarding drug & alcohol and employee well-being. I don’t remember if you actually came in to work drunk, or it was just from attendance, but you should know your rights.
Knowing and action is power. Find out and take the upper hand. Have you been ultra-clear with them that you want to keep this job and are willing to do anything to make that happen? I worked in HR for a lot of years. Most companies prefer to keep an employee they can work with rather than go out looking for new help.
Keep us posted!
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I’ll look into it.
Im not sure what I want to do, my coworkers who were there lost a lot of respect for me. 
I did tell my boss that I was going into a recovery program. I just dont know. I don’t always feel like I’m strong enough to keep it up.
I could check, yeah.
The thing is, I came in drunk and I admitted to drinking before work. I thought I was just going to have a shot in the morning but it escalated and the next thing I knew I was crying in the back room in front of my boss.
Part of me wants to stay, but part of me feels like I’ll never recover from this at this job. I ruined a lot of people’s shifts.
I’ll def be posting whatever happens.
Well perhaps that will give you the motivation. Something has to.
Or perhaps take the clean break and get yourself sober, sort yourself out.
Firm forward movement. No finny fannying around with “I don’t knows”
Move forward!
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True. Maybe a clean break would be good, I dont like being surrounded by people whose lives I made harder and who saw me that way. Im kind of thinking even if I don’t get fired I might just look for something else and leave quietly.
This was definitely a kick in the ass to shape up, thats for sure.
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What I’m saying here, I’m not saying to be mean.
Not knowing is part of life. The quantity of stuff you do not know is always way bigger than what you do know. All to say - you saying you don’t know if you can do it, says more about your self-concept than it does about your ability to actually do it.
You’re making excuses why you can’t or don’t want to do it. It sounds like you’re just giving up.
Anything worth doing takes effort & you always start out not knowing if you can do it. That’s fundamental to life. Why are you giving up here?
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Or if you do choose to leave, leave with a purpose. Not because “oh I think it would be inconvenient for others because I made their lives harder”. You’re not in charge of their lives; imagining you’re responsible for others is another way of escaping taking responsibility for yourself (we’ve all been there; it’s the “addict brain” trying to trick you). You can’t let shame rule you; that’s a sure path back to addiction.
You have two options it seems to me:
- commit to your health at work, and use that commitment as one tool to hold yourself accountable, or
- leave work & its stresses, deliberately, as a tactic for a sobriety program you’re working
Either can work. It’s the commitment that will make the difference. Frankly, I don’t hear from you yet something that says you have to leave your work. A kick in the ass - as you’d be giving yourself by committing to monitored sobriety - might be exactly what you need.
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I dont know if your religious but I just pray and things usually work out as long as you change your behavior i would always stay sober a while after making a bad fuck up
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Thank you, that’s a lot for me to think about.
I’ve never been good with confronting my feelings, im pretty sure thats why I drank in the first place. I’ll look through the policies when I get a chance. You’re right, im very much giving up right now, and I know I need to stop. I’ve already decided that whichever way it goes im going to move up from this.
I think I probably need to make a pros and cons list lol.
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I wasn’t very religious but I have found comfort in prayer recently.
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Yep that is 100% the addict brain. He’s a sneaky fcker. He’ll say ‘oh just one time’ or ‘yeah but we can just ignore this’. ‘Give up, you’re just gonna fck up anyway.’
Kick that guy to the curb. He’s lying to you and holding you back.
You need to dig deep and say dammit I am doing this. And then you need to reach out and follow advice even when you don’t understand it or even if you think you can’t do it or it scares you. Tens of thousands of people before you have found sobriety by working these programs. You can too. Dig deep and say I’m not drinking today, instead I’m going to this meeting. If you’re spinning out at work and things feel nutty, you call a sponsor. You reach out. You stop your work and say you need time for your health and you’ll be back. (I had a few hard weeks where I attended SMART meetings on my lunch break. I was a bit late getting back to work after lunch but I stayed a bit later to make up, and my boss could see whatever I was doing was important. And I made it through those weeks sober.)
The simple rule is this: you’re allowed to do anything safe and legal to maintain your sobriety. There are no limits other than those.
Check back in here when you find out what those policies are. Reach out to your HR rep. Be humble and stay committed. 
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Well, as it turns out they do have policies if you reach out but there are stronger policies about drug and alcohol abuse on the job.
Since I showed up drunk and admitted it, in front of my peers, my boss and my bosses boss, it was pretty much a zero tolerance thing. I really screwed this one up. It hurts a lot, but I’m still in contact with my friends there, and I have plans to rebuild fresh and never let this happen again.
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It’s good that you have plans to rebuild and never let this happen again… your already on your way…don’t beat yourself up over the past, it happened already and you can’t make any edits… pick your head up and keep moving forward !!! Wishing you the best !!!
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I am still trying to string 3 days together. Don’t give up and check in as much as you need!
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There’s this quote that I really like that goes “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, which is why it’s called the present”. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened, you’re only human.
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The first few days are hard for sure. Im sure you can do it! Message me if you ever need to, us newly sober people should stick together.
Thanks for the support 
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Haha, I like that quote. I always think of Kung Fu Panda.
Being human is hard, isn’t it?
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