I am 3 years sober and feel strong. I left my hometown around 7 years ago but i frequently return to visit family. In the past I would go out on heavy binges whilst there resulting in me making a fool of myself and people forming a bad opinion of me.
On Saturday I was at my friends house as he was having a party & of course I wasn’t drinking however when we went to the pub, someone who I used to know from my binge drinking days gave me a horrible comment about how much of a nusiance I used to be. I am shocked at how much this has affected me and made me feel so small because to me I am doing well to be 3 years sober so the comment hurt. I realise this may sound pathetic.
Another person made a comment to my mum around a month ago about how drunk she saw me one night. Between these two comments, it has made me feel a bit low and I can’t full explain why.
I couldn’t be happier to be 3 years sober and hate that these comments have affected me. I just needed to come on here and rant.
3 years is a lot to be proud of, congratulations!! I am sorry those comments were made, I am sure that did sting and feelings like that can be uncomfortable. But you know in your heart that you are not that person anymore and how far you have come and how hard you have worked to get there. Those folks are living in the past. Sending hugs to you.
I feel shame and anxiety about my past life. I’m getting treatment for PTSD, and I’m working on managing intrusive thoughts. That’s kinda what this is god you albeit a fresh incident.
The key is trying to live in the moment. Not the past. Focus on sights, sounds, smells that are around you now. So, for example, if you think about that comment think ‘stop’ and instead ask yourself ‘what’s the most common colour around me?’. Then, maybe ask what the least common one is. Are there any subtle shades if you look closer? It’s just a mind game to pull yourself away from the negative, intrusive thoughts. Find a pattern that works for you.
Congratulations on your 3 years, at least he said “used to be”. If you change the perspective you might even see that as a compliment. The second comment is in my opinion inappropriate and insensible. But that says more about the person making to comment than you. You are doing an awesome job, that person might make such remark to cover up for his own insecurities. You don’t heal yourself by hurting another……
“has made me feel a bit low and I can’t full explain why.” Maybe because you put to much weight on their opinion. There are a lot of meme’s in the memesthread on that🙏
3 years is amazing! It doesn’t at all sound pathetic to be upset by what they said. As someone who has made a fool of themselves (repeatedly) when drinking and experienced similar digs from others, I know just how shameful little comments like that can make you feel.
For me, it’s not even just that they said those things, but the fact that it brings back shameful feelings that I have about myself from a time that I’m not proud of.
In the end, their opinion doesn’t matter. It’s how you feel about yourself that’s important. Don’t indulge in the shame they’re trying to put on you. If your mind starts to dwell on past shame, think no! I’m not going down that thought cycle and pull yourself out of it. You could even try writing down a list of things about yourself that you’re proud of instead. They could be as big or as small as you want - like being proud you remembered a thoughtful detail about a colleague, for example.
Great replies, but I will mention that small towns and the communities I’ve found can be challenging as everyone is so entwined with each others lives. Their comments were unnecessary and Katie. They might be jealous of all of the success you were having with an sobriety.
You can feel proud of the hard work you’ve put in to get to this point. People are gonna have their gripes. In that case they can either bug off or see the real you, the now you.
I am sorry you are feeling low. Something about your post really resonated with me. I struggle with how people remember me too. I think sometimes people can be really thoughtless and often it says more about them than you. Maybe they don’t like how they were at the time? Or they are jealous of your sobriety?
Congratulations on three years. I sometimes think the further away from the person we were when we were drinking, the more these comments sting, as they are so unconnected to who we are now. For the other person, they are often just a funny anecdote, but to us they scald us with shame. Working the steps and being in AA really helped with this “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it”. I’m sure other programs have similar ways to accept past deeds.
