I am one month sober. Drinking was my way to cope with years of trauma, lonliness, and self-blame. I drank heavily and mostly secretely at night for the better part of 25 years. About 3 years ago, after years of searching for healing, I found an amazing trauma therapist. She gave me tools to shift my outlook, to end the self-blame, and even to move years of PTSD into remission. I wasn’t sure I would ever live without PTSD, but then I started to. But over time, that wasnt enough. I knew I needed to drink less, but I didn’t want to and would even say I was afraid to. I was afraid I wouldn’t sleep or feel good without drinking. That nightly ritual was such a relief from the oppressive anxiety and insecurity I felt most accutely at the end of each day. I would try to cut back for a few days, but would always return to the old reliably numb comfort. One day, I got fed up with some things in my job and it caused a shift. I decided I wouldn’t stay in a job where I don’t feel valued. That decision gave me a sense of control in my life again. That same day, I decided to stop drinking. It has only been 31 days sober, but it is 31 days sober!! For the first time since I can remember, I don’t have trouble falling asleep. My anxiety has mostly gone away. There are certainly times that I will think of having a drink, but I like the feeling of calm that I have now without it and I am excited to see myself capable and seeing the benefits of living a sober life. I never gave up trying to find the healing I needed, but after so many years, I thought I might never find my way. I’m only at the beginning of sobriety, but I have finally found that I am ok without alcohol. Feeling like I don’t need it is so much better than fearing I can’t cope without it. No matter where you are at on your journey, even if you think you may never get there, keep trying. However many times it takes. The healing is worth it.
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@AliceInChange your story is very inspiring and thank you for sharing it with us. Are you planning on getting plugged into recovery in your area or do you think you’ll make it with just you and your therapist?
Great job my friend
That’s a good question. I’m intensely private and not very comfortable in social settings, so I’ve been reluctant to look for a group in my area.
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sounds like you’re on the right track then 
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