I am in a tough spot right now, I am in the withdrawals of alcohol. This is usually where I give up, the pain of the withdrawals and being angry as to why I can’t have a normal relationship with alcohol. I had an especially bad night two days ago. Frustrated with my corporate job, knowing I would be off work for several days, I of course picked up some 12 packs to blow off some steam. I drank 9, 9ABV beers alone until I was black out drunk. Had numerous conversations that I don’t remember, god knows what embarrassment I put myself through again. I only knew what I had drank until the next morning, sick and hungover trying to count and recall what happened the night before. I have been in the blackout stage for the last five years. I mostly pull myself together during the work week and then the weekends are usually a blur. 36 hours is where the trembles, headaches and stomach pain turns me back into the cycle. How do I break past this wall? My health has steadily declined, I bargain with myself because I don’t look unhealthy but I feel rotted inside. I do not really have much of a support system and most of my loved ones are in their own active addiction. I feel so lost.
Hang in there. Trash any alcohol in the house. Find an accountability buddy.
I too was stuck into the weekend cycle until thurs happy hours, then weekday games, then just to relieve stress, then a compulsion. Im here to tell you you do not have to “relax” every weekend with booze. There is a way to have fun sober. Not everyone parties on the weekends. There’s hope
You have 36hours. Thats a great start! What ever you do dont pick up. Post here for support/distraction. Get to a meeting: aa, dharma recovery, smart, celebrate. You dont have to do this alone
Withdrawals of that severity are hard to get through. Since you are in the middle of it now, please be careful and seek medical attention if you need it.
The thinking that almost always tripped me up was that the agony of withdrawal was unbearable. That is a lie, the mental torture is bearable, and in another 12 hours and another 24 hours, you will begin to feel pride in your accomplishment of staying dry.
36 hours is an accomplishment. I hope you’re drinking lots of water and some B vitamins. When we’re actively drinking alcohol, some nutrients get depleted. Here’s a list of vitamins that can support liver recovery.
I also recommend checking in here often, reading threads, and buliding some community here. This place has been my mainstay for recovery.
You might also want to read/listen to a book to help shift your thought patterns. I found Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind super helpful. Other people love Alan Carr’s Easyway to Stop Drinking.
Keep posting, keep going beyond that 36 hours, throw away any alcohol in your home if you can, and step fully and with intention onto your new path.
As MANY wise people on this app have said–there’s nothing alcohol can’t make worse. Drinking is not the solution to our problems and stresses. They’ll still be there the next morning and now we have a hangover on top.
How are you doing now?
Maybe try ameeting might help ,helped me stay sober wish you well
36 hours is a great start. The withdrawals I found was easier after I did a good, long hot sweat( our traditional way of getting rid of toxins from the body) a quick dunk in mountain water and a lot of fresh fruits and water…an occasional bottle of Boost, for thyroid issues, and phone conversation with my support buddy. I am sending healing prayers 
remember that we’re here for you anytime you need to talk or vent!! Hang in there and seek medical care if you need
IDK how you feel about AA, but I’ve found when I had no one to talk to and it was either fight my cravings and give in, or push through, talking to another alcoholic helped make it easier to not pick up the drink. I would suggest calling your local central area office and just speak to whoever’s on call. It doesn’t mean you’re committing to go to AA but it does mean you’re taking action to stay sober.
Also you should be really proud that you’re 36 hours clean and sober! I know the pain from withdrawal is awful but the fact you’ve made it this far is huge. Give yourself some kudos and recognize the strength it took to get to this point.
Lastly, I’m not sure what you’re feelings are towards praying, but I’ve been really surprised at the power of prayer. Why not give it a shot? There’s no harm in trying.
Best wishes to you, you’re in my thoughts.
It hurts, my body hurts. I managed to eat something small, staying down for now. I would have normally drank by now. I am doing my best to feel this moment and not seek to numb this feeling. I’m too sick to distract myself but maybe that is a good thing.
Hi @Mountainsmeetthesea, I am sorry to read about the withdrawal struggles you are going through, they are tough 
Having said that, 36 hours is as good a number as any to stick to sobriety and it’s a good start! I hope you use the ‘SoberTime’ component of the app as well so you are being recognized for the milestones you have already achieved?
I was like you for a long time, needing to ‘blow off steam’ after another soul destroying week in a corporate job. Before long though, things started to shift - I went from beers to harder liquor, the weekend started earlier and ended later until I pretty much drank every day of the week and I couldn’t perform at my usual level anymore. I could tell that my health was deteriorating but the fear of that was only manageable with more numbing from alcohol.
I am concerned that the same lies in store for you, but fear not: the only thing you absolutely need to do is not drink today and worry about tomorrow and beyond when it’s actually here. On day at a time (ODAAT) is a surefire way to build solid sober numbers, please use this community for when you are struggling to stay sober today and to celebrate your milestones!
36 hours is a great start Lara. The idle time can be harder for us to navigate in our journey. Best to find a way to keep busy with whatever you can find (exercise, sleep, meetings - online or in person, cooking/baking, walking, puzzles, games… literally anything that will keep your mind and body occupied so you don’t have time to thing about the alcohol). Also good to stay hydrated to help flush out the toxins.
Glad you found this community - loads of threads here filled with great advice and support. You will find that you are not alone and are in fact surrounded by fellow members who understand the struggle.
The early stages of of detox can be super rough. Be gentle with yourself. The aches and pains and trembles do lessen over time. IF you are still feeling them as intensely and you are worried then I would get them checked out professionally. Some people do need some medical assistance with the alcohol detox. It does get easier and just have to remember that you will never have to repeat day 1 or go through these symptoms again.
I am sorry that you don’t have a support system at home. This is when you create your own. For me this community has become my second family and helped me stay sober. For many a recovery group and / or sponsor are additional supports. Surround yourself with as much support as you can - we really can’t go through this journey alone.
Sending you strength my friend - One moment at a time! 
Thank you all for the kind words, I can’t say I slept great but for this first time in a long time my vision wasn’t blurred in the morning. The chest tightness is not as severe as it was yesterday. I have work today but intend on working remotely most of this week. I had taken time off the last two weeks of this month with the intention of quitting drinking but after an especially bad night of binge drinking a few days ago, I knew the moment came before my time off started. I won’t lie that work has me nervous towards a slip. My drinking had gotten so much worse with this role. I am good at my job but the work culture at my company is toxic. I can handle my workload but I typically leave my zoom meetings, angry and frustrated. I need to come up with a plan before my Wednesday& Thursday meetings, to replace how I would normally handle the anxiety and frustration. I have thought of getting a gym membership but I’ve still have felt so sick from withdrawals my body may not be ready for that just yet.
Hi Lara & great work on you!
When I think back to times I knew were going to make me uneasy or frustrated with others, I devised a plan prior to the zoom to close my eyes for 30 seconds and calmly focus on my breathing reminding myself I cannot control these shit heads or any of the words that are about to exit their mouths.
And, during the meeting I would continue to remind myself of this simple fact. Sure I learned it from AA but that’s what it’s there for!
Feel better and keep pressing forward, you deserve it!
So lovely to hear that you are starting to feel better. 
I’m sorry the work environment is the driving cause for your addiction. I know that was true for me and I am fortunate enough to have been able to step away from it. Coming up with healthy coping mechanisms is a great idea. If you can’t join a gym right away, you may try some home workouts. I find YouTube to be great for providing some amazing workouts and equipment isn’t needed so that’s a bonus. Or if weather permitting - you could go for a walk. The fresh air helps me calm down and cool my nerves. If these activities are too much to start, then maybe getting to a meeting might help as you’ll be around fellow members dealing with similar issues.
Don’t give up on your path …it will continue to get better and waking up hangover free never gets old