Today I’m 38 days sober. In this last almost month and a half im slowly learning to love myself and learn to heal myself. Lord knows I’ve spent way to long hating myself. But I’m so lonely. I have a very toxic mother and my whole family enables her. I barely have any friends and none that I feel like I can talk to. I have a fiance but he isn’t the greatest support emotionally. Ive always suffered from severe depression and anxiety, wich has improved greatly since i quit drinking. I just want someone to be proud of me. I want a mom and a dad that support and love me. I am learning to live without them and just be proud of myself but I am just really struggling tonight.
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I’m sorry for your struggles. Reading your post, I though my of a book that might be helpful. “This is How” by Augusten Burroughs. Speaks to the lack of parents and loneliness.
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It’s so hard when you want that parental support and it’s not there, and unfortunately there are a lot of men–as wonderful as they are otherwise–who simply aren’t the best at showing emotional support. I recognize and respect the struggles you’re having. You’re doing really great at 38 days and you should be able to hear it from someone you love.
I don’t know your fiancee, obviously, but I’ve found that a lot of men really just want to do the right thing and they can try to give that to you if you let them know what you need. How do you think he would respond if you told him simply that you are feeling sad right now and that it would really help you feel less sad if he told you in words that he was proud of your progress? I mean, if it would actually help you to hear him say it. I know it’s different than having him say it without prompting, but sometimes it can help to say directly what you need and how it would help you if he did the thing.
Regardless, you are doing well. Hang in there.
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Congratulations on your 38 days thats awesome !so glad to hear since you quit alcohol your anxiety has greatly reduced only one of thousand more benefeits there is to come with this journey part of this journey is to truly find out who you are and your learning you have what it takes to be STRONG !
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38 days sober!! That’s pretty awesome!! I would want someone to be proud of me too. I was finding early sobriety to be very lonely. My wife drinks. She’s supportive but you know. She’s drinking!! We are retired. Just moved a year ago Covid-19 and no local friends. The support here is great. I come on here sometimes, hell a lot of times, for a pat on the back. We all know how hard this work is and we’re all in this together. And you know, we all need that pat on the back or congratulations from someone.
After my first month the clear and calm head I had was such a reward. And nowadays I’m pretty flexible when plans change or don’t go my way. Keep checking in. We can be a great bunch of cheerleaders if need be.
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Hi @FallenAng3l, I want to congratulate you on your achievement! 38 days is fucking amazing and it’s where the good stuff really started to happen for me, where it sank it this was going to work and a whole new world was starting to grow inside and outside of me. As if all the windows had been flung open for stuffy and cranky stuck old me! I’m happy for you and I know if you will keep on your path, keep educating yourself and most importantly, keep checking in with yourself, work on the reasons why you drank and took drugs, face whatever comes up in you, learn to stay with yourself, you can fully recover and your life will be good! It’s a life changing, so rewarding journey!
I’m proud of you! Keep going strong!
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Hi, I know that loneliness can be a big problem, certainly it is for me. I (fortunately) don’t really have a problem with my family, other than the fact that they are all on the other side of the world from where I live. Still, I have always had (and continue to have) problems with self-loathing and low self-esteem and all the rest. It has been suggested to me that I should look for some kind of treatment, but I think it best that limited medical / social resources be kept for people who matter… people like parents and spouses, neither of which is my case.
Still, trying to be sober isn’t, in my opinion, necessarily connected with that issue. It does - to some extent - make me feel somewhat better about myself, and that’s already a positive thing, I guess, but mainly, I just think that it’s a generally good thing for my health in general. I had been (and still am, to a lesser degree) been experiencing some physical effects of alcohol consumption, and I had been getting pretty tired of that, so that is my main motivation.
But if you have a family and fiancé in proximity, then maybe you should try talking to them, they might be more supportive if they knew first-hand that you were in need of some support.
Of course, you can also come here… even someone like me might be at least able to provide you with a bit of contact, even if only in writing.
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I cannot write anything wise right now, because I’m in the same situation (being lonely) and don’t know how to solve it either, but I feel you. For me therapy works, it can be tough, but worth a try. You have to accept, that your mother and family won’t change. The only thing, which can be changed is your perception, so the key is in your hand. But hey, you’re tough and bold, you are 38 days sober! You can do it!
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This was very moving to here. I’m not sure where you are in the world. But my life has really been helped by coming to faith in Jesus Christ. He loves you with a never ending LOVE 
He knew you before you were even born ! There are some amazing places of worship out there. Let me know where abouts you are and I’ll try and send some links. CHURCH IS NOT CONDEMNATION AND OLD WOODEN PEWS !! YOU TUBE Joyce Meyer ’ her book battlefield of the mind is a must 
You are LOVED !!!
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Definitely understand this …I feel the same way sometimes I think. I am sure a lot of people are very proud of you, I hope you get to feeling better about everything soon.
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Thanks! I will definitely check it out. I looked into some of his quotes and love them and find them very relatable.
I want to thank everyone for the kind words, support and advice. I had an emotional breakdown last night. My fiance got into an argument. I told him that i am uncomfortable going to his sisters wedding. My ex best friend, who I found sexual messages between my fiance and her(long story. Will be there. My family is all buddy buddy with her. I never said I wouldn’t go i simply wanted my feelings acknowledged. I have bad social anxiety and with everything else and the temptation of drinking im dreading this wedding.He doesn’t understand why its a big deal. Thats part of the reason I was feeling so alone. I know I’ve come a loooong way and trying to just be proud of myself and happy with myself and love myself. I’m working on healing myself from the hurt of others like my parents. I almost took a bunch of ativan because I just wanted to feel something else. Proud to say I didn’t. Today I woke up just as depressed, but instead of laying in bed all day feeling down, I got up went for a long walk with a friend, went garage saling with my son and going to go out to eat with my fiance and son, even though I’m still pretty down i am proud of myself for at least getting up and making an attempt to feel better.
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Has she ever showed remorse for that? Or I should say they…
I had something happen along those lines… It took me a long time but I forgave, eventually. I’m not perfect either; we all do things we wish we could take back.
Life is hard sometimes.
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No she hasn’t. I realized after she was fake and not the person I thought she was. Just a super awkward situation all around. After we stopped being friends she also became good friends with my mom who has put my son and I through hell and hurt us way more than any mother or grandmother should.
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That’s really awful, on all counts.
I’m sorry if I said too much about it. I wish I could give some good advice or insight.
No worries hun
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