hey my friends :] i’m just beginning on my journey, but i feel compelled to share my experience here.
i first came to AA at 18, after it having been in my life through my grandma (all the good that’s left in the world, that woman) for as long as i can remember. i remember going to rehab, not bc i thought i was an addict, but because i needed to stop using drugs. the drugs were the problem, not me!
i’m 22 now, and have been to rehab twice, both times going to sober living after and staying sober for around a year. both times i felt like i didn’t truly belong, bc i never stole from my mom, never used as much as these fellows, and never went to jail or prison. so that means i’m not an addict, right?
HELL NO! i may only have just under 72 hours as i type this, but i learned more recently than i ever did by stringing a year of sobriety here and there. i learned that being an addict has nothing to do with what you used or drank or watched. it truly, truly, is just me.
after leaving my last sober living about 2 years ago, i had convinced myself that i didn’t need the fellowship. i wasn’t even an addict! so i went back home and tried to get back to my real DOC’s, but weed was all that was around (thank goodness!!). i won’t lie and say i didn’t look for my DOC’s or try to contact my old connect, but i did “only” smoke weed until a couple days ago.
my addict mind kept me from seeing the real issue at hand wasn’t what i was using or what i did because of my using, it was how i was using. it was a tough pill to swallow, but i also had to realize that there was no one thing, person, or event that i could blame for why i abuse drugs (and other things). i’m just sick, but there is help!!
i have a strong, strong feeling about this go around. i had an honest moment with myself last friday morning. i wish i could describe some super cool, bright light, heard the voice of God moment, but honestly it was simple. a simple thought sparked by something i told my friend the day before. i had told him, without even thinking it first, “i think i abuse weed.” that next morning, a gentle thought came to me. “i am.”
pretty boring, huh? but it made more sense than anything anyone had ever said to me. after that, i realized that i live just a 12 minute walk from a wonderful LGBTQ+ AA group that i went to when i first tried to stay sober. crazy how i landed in a apartment so close to my fellows!
that basically brings me to now. i’m going to that group daily, twice daily if i can. i’m also trying to stay involved with this forum and the amazing people on here, yall inspire me!! i don’t have a lot of knowledge to share with you guys, i’m just a kid to most i’m sure haha! but, i really wanna drive this point home…WE NEED EACH OTHER!!! not only that, but we’re all facing the same problem and struggle, self!
don’t let the fact that i don’t care about alcohol, or that maybe you don’t do drugs, get in the way of connecting and finding fellowship with one another! even if you don’t use substances, but are struggling with PMO addiction, sex addiction, anything, it truly makes no difference. we need each other and can all learn from one another!
okay let me wrap it up haha. thank you all for giving me the space to share, i truly hope something i wrote can be seen as helpful :] ! remember, you sure as hell aren’t alone, we need each other and have each other!! best wishes to you, my friends, and be good to yourselves <3
