Hello everyone,
I used this app a lot when I first got sober. It was the only place I felt like I could actually say what was going on in my head without being judged. I stopped using it at some point, but I never deleted it… and now I’m back. Four years sober.
The first few days without alcohol were brutal. It didn’t just feel like quitting a habit—it felt like my body was sick in a way I’d never experienced before. After a month, I started to feel a little more steady, but the urges didn’t just disappear. They still showed up. Honestly, they still do sometimes.
I’ve never gone to an AA meeting. Part of me feels weird admitting that. I know how much it helps people, and sometimes I wonder if I skipped something I was supposed to need. Or maybe I just got lucky. I don’t really know.
Back then, I was insecure in a way that ran deep. I was in a relationship that messed me up pretty badly—years of emotional abuse. Then I found out she had cheated on me at the very beginning and just… carried on like nothing happened. That combination of betrayal and confusion did something to me. I felt stuck, and I felt powerless.
Drinking became how I dealt with it. Or didn’t deal with it. I’d tell myself things like, “If I stop drinking, I’ll actually feel this—and then I’ll have to leave or kill myself.” So I kept drinking instead. It felt easier to stay numb than to face what I already knew.
One of the hardest things for me to look back on is how much I drove drunk. I still catch myself trying to minimize it, but the truth is, it was bad. There were a lot of times I had no business being behind the wheel, and I did it anyway—for years. It’s honestly terrifying to think about now. Not just what could have happened to me, but what I could have done to someone else. That part sticks with me.
Somehow, I got out of that relationship. I stayed sober. And my life slowly started to change.
Now I’m with someone who actually loves me, and I’ve gone four years without a drink. Even writing that feels a little unreal. If I had tried to write something like this a couple of years ago, I probably wouldn’t have made it through without falling apart. It still feels heavy, but not in the same crushing way.
Life’s not perfect. I still struggle. But I actually show up for it now. And I don’t think I’d have a life at all if I hadn’t made that decision to stop.
This app was a big part of how I got through that first year. I don’t think I ever said that out loud before, but it mattered. It still does.
your journey is one I can definitely relate to and thanks for sharing it. Super great you’ve moved forward and keep building your sober days up 