After 41 days i let my demons win. Back on day 1. For the first time im more effected by my choice to use than my lack of the drug. Im completely bummed out. Super embarrassed. Extremely emotional. Using my doc was not enjoyable. Spent most of the time wishing i would run out. But was still unable to stop until i had Nothing left. Still gave in. My choice not to continue is something im proud of. My choice to face my disappointment instead of create peace in the situation is new and that seems to be some sort of growth. Im scared. That now that ive made the choice myself to get sober that i wont be able to stay out of my head long enough to accomplish it. I lied to people while i was facing charges about being clean. I closed doors to the ones trying to help by pretending and now i feet alone. I did start again. So today. Today is day 1.
Focus on your growth and desire to be healthy once and for all. There’s nothing more you can do except live for the here and now and make progress. It’s never been about perfection.
Welcome back. I recognize the courage it takes to confess. If you want to feel not alone and find a way to stay clean, sober and happy, I recommend a meeting of AA or NA.
I looked up one for tonight. Ive never been to one outside of jail. Im nervous
I brought meetings into jail for 10 years, and some of my favorite times were seeing the guys in outside meetings.
Feeling nervous is natural and human. Believe me, every little thing is gonna be alright.
Im sure it was appreciated.
I honestly never thought id go. Been thinking about it a lot lately. Never actually wanted to stay clean before this year. Things have become different
I’ve of the hardest things for me when I was drinking was wanting to stop, wanting to not do it, but being unable to quit. Then, something happened and I was able to put that desire and motivation into action, using counseling and AA as the way to a permanent recovery. This can happen for you as well.
Your encouragement is mych appreciated. Im not as confident in my ability but im hopeful and focused. Thank you
Remember there are online ones too.
Sharing with others is a powerful thing. You can always go back to AA (or any program).
Thank you.
I was unable to find a meeting near me tonight. When i looked for virtual they were saying closed. Ill look on the link You provided maybe ill have better luck
Closed means they are only for alcoholics (rather than open for anyone to join). Not that they aren’t available.
Thats helpful. Im looking for an NA meeting is there a different list?
Thats how little i know about this. I thought it was awful weird they would not be open lol but it was over my head. Thanks for clarification
Actually I never thought, it is confusing.
You do find broken links / meetings not running etc. But I think if you really want to quit you will pit in the effort to search and find something.
The link worked great. Much appreciated