Well, im still going… we’ll just say that. In my 40days of sobriety so far ive watched my partner relapse 3-4 times. Im getting more clear headed and focused while i watch her just completely still struggle to just gain her first 3-4 days. I really dont know what to do. We are currently sleeping in separate rooms in the house and have decided it’s best to not be together right now. We have 10 years invested in this relationship and counting. Im currently in treatment and being drug tested weekly along with weekly counseling sessions and group. Im 100% invested in my sobriety and getting my life back on track. I feel like im in the fire right now with my situation and its only a matter of time before i become triggered or one of our arguments goes to far. If i leave , she cant afford our home by herself and i refuse to kick her out and let her be homeless, my heart just wont allow it. She refuses treatment/ rehab… even rereading this i can see im in such a toxic situation and i have some tough decisions i need to make for my future. Im 38 years old and i refuse to have these same conversations in my 40s. Im laying the foundation and putting in the work to better the rest of my life. I just wish i felt the same commitment from my partner. We cant even conversate without arguing. Sorry, this is more venting than anything and i hope im not being disrespectful to my ex by talking about these issues in my life but as of right now you guys here are really the only support i have. This group has kept me pushing forward and is keeping me accountable which i think is the most important step in recovery, accountability!!! I will keep fighting the good fight though… im just worried im not done losing things/people due to this disease/addiction. I hope you all are doing well. Keep fighting!!!
Billy
11 Likes
Congrats on the milestone! Every day is a victory. It’s worth it. Hoping you find strength. I have learned even for the ones we love, this is a choice you have to want. I have tried to help others and people I care about, and if they don’t want to do it, it will never happen. I made this choice for me, and the family that I love. I am hoping she will see that for you. But stay strong, one day at a time! You are worth it. Take care, my friend.
3 Likes
Hey Billy, I think you are doing great with all that’s happening in your world.
All of this shit is exactly where it’s supposed to be, I really believe that, and things will get better as long as we don’t go back out.
Your partner will either choose to do the same as you or she won’t, not up to us. Hard not to think about it, but spending too much time on it takes from today. Your today.
Stay strong & be kind to yourself and in time the answers to the hard questions will begin to show themselves.
Life for me just works when I stay connected to my own kind in active recovery. I work a program that works for me and it keeps me focused, happy and healthy.
Hugs Billy
3 Likes
Congratulations on your 41 days and the hard work you are putting in. I couldn’t have said it any better than Smitty just did. Do you, stay focused on today and your sobriety. And keep checking in. 
1 Like
Well done on 41 days sober. You have made a great decision!
2 Likes
Keep doing what you’re doing to stay on the sober track man. We’re exactly the same age and that’s how I feel too - I refuse to be dealing with not living my best life due to addiction in my 40s. Enough of the bullshit is what I told myself!
It’s hard enough to help yourself let alone help your partner too, if she wants it she will have to find it for herself. You can’t make her, just like no one else could make you do this until YOU chose to.
Focus on yourself and keep those sober days ticking over. Hopefully she will choose to join you on your journey, but if she doesn’t don’t sink back into old habits
2 Likes
Dang, Billy! Your post is so right on and full of hope that it seems like it came from someone with decades of sobriety. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing. I’m so glad you are here with us. Do you have other sober supports locally?
1 Like
Im currently being treated at a facility here in ohio called brightview. I have to go every friday for about 3-4 hours. In that time i have drug screening, counseling, group ( not always) , see the doctor and get my prescription of suboxone for the week. As of right now, this app and the facility is my only support. I havnt opened up to my family about getting clean just yet , i want to show action before i open up to them about whats going on. Im not very close with my family anyhow…my mothers no longer alive and ive never really known my father. Was raised by the foster system and my aunt. I also have my best friend for support but since hes became a pastor we’ve not been as close as we used to and hes always bible thumping me which is ok, im a Christian but i need my best friend too and we just dont connect like that anymore. Thats ok too though.
3 Likes
Thanks man, its nice to know there are like minded people.
Thats all i can do. Thanks for replying. Its nice to have some support. Im really just keeping this journey very quiet and very personal.
1 Like
Youre absolutely right. I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.
You’re dead on smitty, i know im on the right path. I can feel it. I just have to figure out what im doing with this relationship. Its very toxic right now and she keeps relapsing. Shes so mean one day and loving and caring the next. Im so confused and i hate to be this way but i have to be selfish right now and tend to my life, mental health, happiness… i guess at the end of the day its her decision to not join me on this journey and continue life as a couple. I just dont want anymore hurt or damage done in the mean time and shes just a ticking time bomb. Ill stay focused and this weekly counseling is everything right now because it helps me set a game plan for the week and helps letting someone else know what shes doing.
1 Like