I am currently living in a sober living house. My husband and I relapsed 6 months ago after being clean for 7 years. We stopped going to meetings and working on ourselves after two years sober. We felt like we were cured. We went to a party where people were using but not our old DOC and thought that just one time wouldn’t hurt. Next thing I know I’m shooting up all day everyday until I would have a seizure. I got blood clots in my arm and lost everything.
I have lost my kids, my marriage, my home. My husband went back to our old DOC after I got sober. He recently got sober and has about a week and a half clean. Everyone is telling me to cut all contact with him as it’s not safe for us to be together anymore. However we were clean together for 7 years before relapsing. Does anyone have any opinions about saving a marriage if you’re both addicts but are working on yourselves now and being clean. I don’t think I would forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to work it out with him as he’s really trying to change and so am I.
Hi Aly welcome to TS. I dont have first hand experience of being able to stay clean with another addict I used with. I do however see a few long term relationships in the rooms of NA who used together and are now able to stay clean together. So there is hope! The common theme that those couples have is that they have taken time apart, a year or two to get their recovery stable. I believe that two addicts can be healthy together eventually, but I think that its really important for both of you to give yourselves time to heal without distractions.
Aly — I’m really glad you shared this. First, I just want to acknowledge how significant seven years clean together is. That didn’t happen by accident, and it says a lot about the work you were both capable of doing at one point.
That said, relapse can change the landscape, especially when two people relapse together. From what I’ve seen and experienced, staying sober is hard enough as one person — trying to stabilize two people at the same time can make it much harder, even when there’s love and good intentions. It doesn’t mean there’s no hope, just that timing and boundaries really matter.
Taking real time apart to focus on your own recovery can be an act of care, not abandonment — especially when kids are involved and your lives will always be connected in some way. Two people becoming solid on their own often creates a much stronger foundation than trying to rebuild while both are still finding their footing.
I also want to say how proud I am of you for getting sober again after everything you’ve been through. That takes enormous strength. Whatever path you choose, you deserve stability, safety, and support as an individual — not just as part of a couple.
Wishing you clarity and gentleness with yourself as you move forward.
Welcome Aly! How have u been since u posted a day ago?
My husband and I used together for years. I am an addict (have known since i was 16 years of age), but my husband isnt. He used drugs but didnt have that “obsession of the mind” that thr Big Book talks about (he could take it or leave it alone). Now when we quit for good, I initiated it. It was initally tough bcuz often times (at least in the past), we would feed off each others energy. If he wanted to get our DOC, I would often follow suit, and vice versa.
But in recovery… its crucially important that each person in the relationship focus on their own sobriety. My husband did what he had to do to quit. And I did what I had to do to quit. In alot of cases, it can be a bit risky (and extra tough) when 2 recovering addicts are in a relationship together bcuz like I said, its easy to give in. And I think what it comes down to is, what are you willing to do to get clean and sober??
You could always try to be in a relationship while u both are in early recovery (which can be very tricky) or… u can both take a “break” from the relationship to focus on urselves and then return to the relationship when u both have time under ur belts. I think only u can truly answer that question with what feels right for u
