Day 47 was yesterday. We, like many other places in the US, had a pretty rough time with the snowstorm. I work in retail, and of course the mall I work at never closes, so I had a significant number of call-outs but still had to keep my store open. It was annoying and just rough. Too many people still made the trek out to the mall for some non-essential goods that could have been put off for another better weather day. Just looking back on it now it all seems so silly to be frustrated over, but it was the first time since I stopped drinking this year that I thought “I could use a beer.”
I didn’t cave to that thought thankfully, but I’ve spent the day beating myself up over it. It hasn’t even been that long of a sober time, but it’s being sober, working with an excessive amount of customers during a pandemic. Of course I’m thankful that my store is still open and we’re thriving, but its a double edged sword? I’m not sure. Maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up so much because it’s the fact that I didn’t give in to the craving and that’s what matters? That I know I’m strong enough to not let a really rough day set me back?
I’m really not sure, but I am glad to see my tracker move forward another day.
Some days are weird days, but your head hits the pillow sober. Yesterday was like that for me. Felt bizarre the entire day. Emotionally like a cat hitting a live electric wire. But let that ship pass - down the river.
You did a good job today. Have a bath. Drink some hot chocolate (or something similar). Read a book. Sleep.
Tomorrow is another day. You’re doing good. Do you have a meeting you attend?
I haven’t found meetings to attend in my area. Most I’ve found so far are heavily religious, and though I respect that approach, it’s just not for me. I’ve also just been looking to get back to a therapist because I know that tends to help me sort out these feelings though.
Take care & never stop searching. Search and search like your life depends on it - like someone searching for water in the desert (it sounds like I’m being dramatic but the point I’m trying to make is you gotta want it). Keep searching and eventually you’ll find a path. You’re already moving forward here!
Therapys good too - I do that as well! - I just focused on meetings here because they’re everywhere and they’re free. But if therapy is an option is is another tool in the kit
Check some other options out too!