I feel spent. Looking down the things I put off in my life and having to build all over again. Plus I am locked into a bad situation and trying to pull off a miracle to make it work. I took coke because I enjoyed or enjoy it but also took it to escape. But it is t escaping, it is just pushing the wall back or you know what I mean. Life’s problems get worse. Need to make escaping my new escape and not use coke as my pretend escape.
Toxic gaslighter put me in a bad situation and I was going over the worst case scenario. It was all a set up to put his drug addicted brother at the center of it all to take the blame. And it worked. It worked. He burned Camelot, the fool. I am the escape goat, yes not scapegoat. God willing I need to put this chapter to an end. It is only a chapter and not a whole book. Okay, maybe it is a few chapters but not a whole book. I will just move like a slug and finish the work. Not do my best, not set it up for success because when you have a toxic gaslighter on the team, effort is wasted.
It’s ok if it’s a book! My life is a series of books. Lol. Congratulations 
on 4 days and 18 hours (if I did the math right) no fronts. 
You got this!
3 hours away. I need to do something stressful but will put it off for an hour because I am just trying to get up to Day 5 and then go back to one day at a time mode.
One hour until Day 5. I feel like shit. I will force myself to do the work my useless gaslighting brother poisoned me into and God willing hand over this mess this week. I am not here to save Camelot, I am here to save myself because I know putting myself in a position of a real life will help others when my story is told. And success is the best revenge, years of gaslighting will be put into question after I am able to drag myself out of this hole, God willing.
I hit day 5. I feel better. But now time to do stressful unfilling work just to exit a no win situation. This world is paradise for demons only, for the rest of us it is a test.
Rooting for you. One day at a time. You seem to have some negative thought patterns there. Have you explored therapy or support groups to shine some light of hope in those words?
Addiction got you to where you are today. Taking ownership and moving thru the consequences rather than avoiding can be liberating. Theres hope that you wont be stuck in a cycle but youll have to make some changes
Yes. I am in an unwinnable situation and my only option is to quit it for myself but that means throwing my family under the bus but they threw me under the bus so many times. Just driving me nuts. I wish I didn’t care as much as I do.