Well where do I begin?
Today I am 6 months sober, this is the first time I’m actually posting about a milestone in sobriety. I never posted at 30 days, 60 days, 90 days etc, why? Because I had fallen so many times before, I’d get to 5 days and relapse, then up to 14 days and relapse, I was in a cycle of trying to get there but never really making it. My clean date is 28/07/2018. The significance of this date to me, my last relapse, on this day I’d been drinking early afternoon and when bathing my boys my judgement was way way off, I clipped my boys around the head for squirting shower gel around the bathroom, when I went to clip them again I caught my youngest son in the eye leaving a awful mark. All those horrible parents your read about, in a split second that was me, even though it was an accident it was still me.i couldn’t cope anymore with the drinking, with what I’d done and I attempted suicide. 40 tablets I took but my body wouldn’t give in, I tried to get sectioned but I just got sent home. I had to leave my children for 10 days, in that time I phoned social services and told them what I’d done, I was questioned by the police and social services, I was a mess for a very long time. I quit my job as a head chef on medical grounds.
What did I do to get sober? I went to the doctors and got put on antidepressants, sedatives and thiamine.i was referred to a mental health service and done a CBT, I eventually got into alcohol recovery services and started with a group for emerging futures who helped set up a program to follow which consisted of smart recovery meetings and a group for survival skills, from there I picked up other things to do such as mindfulness and the way forward group. I took up a Webster stratton parenting strategy course and a 12 week cooking class. I hit ST every day. I go to AA meetings and have a homegroup and do service.
What does my life look like now? I’ve recently seperated from my husband, I start a new paid job this month,training starts Tuesday I’m becoming a recovery coach myself, I’m mending relationships where I have wronged people, I have my children which is amazing considering they could have been taken away, my life is simpler and so full right now, I have so much more time to appreciate and enjoy life.
Recovery hasn’t been easy, having emotions is quiet a raw thing to deal with, everyday is a new challenge and learning experience, but everyday you get through it you get stronger. I’ve cried, I’ve been angry, confused, slept too much, didn’t sleep enough, overate, lost motivation and found it again, built new sober friendships and maintained old friendships too, found higher power, used the tools in my toolbox and always asked for help.
In my case as happy as I am with 6 months, this milestone is not far enough behind me to be happy, when I forgive myself for what I did to my son is the time I can celebrate.
Nobody said sobriety would be easy, but everyone who got there will tell you that it’s worth it.
