Well back to rehab. I went 2 years ago but relapsed, god I hate that word. This time I am going out of province and dealing with the root of my problem, PTSD due to my first responder job. You can’t fix the drink if you don’t fix the root of why you drink. I’m so hoping to put my life back together. I just got out of detox and my blood level was 3 times higher than normal. They gave me 6 to 12 months to live at that place. Im 46. Wish me well. I’m 15days sober.
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@Dar.B, just had to say hello!
I’m so sorry that you were given such a terrible life sentence, but hopefully if you are able to stay sober, you will, over time, be given a new bill of health!
You know how miraculous and forgiving the human body can be of our reckless ways.
Not every First Responder is an addict, but most First Responders have PTSD (in some form anyway IMO) which can easily lead to addiction.
I worked in the ER for 25 years and l know l am ‘damaged goods’ and not the person l was before.
The average person does not get exposed to the types of things we do in their everyday life.
As l always tell people, “l have seen and heard things that you only experience in your nightmares!”
You have sacrificed your own mental and physical health for the good of others. It is now time for you to sit back and be cared for.
You are so worth it!
Really put your all into your rehab time! Enjoy it if you can.
I last went to rehab a year ago and wish l was still there sometimes. It was so nurturing for my soul!
Congratulations on your 15 days! I’m only about 10 days ahead of you (which is nothing)
If you are entering rehab, you probably won’t be able to have IT with you? How long are you going for?
Would love to be kept informed of your progress. Really excited for you-a new chapter has begun!
PM me anytime if you like/prefer
Stay Strong • Get Well 
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Yes we do things no one should see. My husband is a firefighter and had worked his way through his PtSD and is doing well. Thank goodness he understands and has stood by me. My PTSD led me to drink more. To sleep, to drown out nightmares and just to forget and be numb. I’m looking forward to becoming my true self again. I am currently on long term disability as a result of my diagnosis and am not permitted to return to my job or anything similar should they chose to send me to work. Thayyis comforting.
Thanks for the response.
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I’m glad you’re on this path to recovery now. I cannot relate to the extreme stresses of being a first responder. I have my own PTSD story which was made to sound by supervisors and some professionals as simple burnout, when it was much more. I worked a combined 8 years in a small organization that provided services, including a day program (kind of like OP treatment) for people with serious mental illness and substance use disorder. It was a chaotic workplace with a chaotic leadership that wanted us all to be a “family.” I don’t know how many times I was cornered by someone who was having an episode and yet we were refused training in how to deescalate situations (because we should just know how to do that) and I had to figure it out for myself. There was a lot of abuse happening there, and I drank to cope. How ironic. Peers in recovery at work, drinking because I thought my problem was mental health related only.
I only share because I hear bits of me in what you’ve written and I know recovery is possible for you. Stick around, read a lot and ask for help if you are feeling urges. We can be your support if you’re willing and it sounds like you are.
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A big part of my issues were also a toxic work environment. It’s amazing how horribly it can affect you. This coupled with working in an environment where drinking Was the norm did not help. We almost all drank. Only doggy, some had a “shit off” switch which I did not. I am going 3 provinces away to get the best possible treatment. I wish you all the best on you own journey.
We can do this
Stay in touch
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Wishing you well on all of it, mental and physical. Congratulations on your 15 days sobriety. You are in a fight for saving your own life this time, and looks like you’re doing all the right things.
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Congrats, just for today, everyday we live without any drugs or alcohol its good day whatever it happens am really proud of you and everyone around the world clean and sober for today
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Welcome to the forum @Sultan! I’m a moderator here and edited your post to remove your phone number. This forum is open to the public and posting such personal information could cause unsolicited calls and texts. Wishing you the best on your journey.
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Thank your support. It helps more than you know to talk to people in the same type of situation, despite the substance.
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I feel like it’s my time. Ready!!
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Wish all the best
I’m so glad you’re getting help. And the toxicity of some workplaces is out of this world. Yes I’d love to stay in touch. You can message me any time.
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I read all the comments and I completely understand what it’s like to work in a toxic work environment. I’ve had a couple of nasty experiences, but one in particular I felt like I’d just escaped a horribly abusive relationship and had to spend over a year healing from it. This was the experience that at least three other people I knew had at that place.
Great job on your 15 days. You’re so right about not being able to fix things if you don’t get to the root of why. As someone who has dealt with PTSD myself, I can tell you that there is hope. You are so much more powerful than you can even imagine. You can do anything. You can conquer anything.
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Imy husband got his PTSD under control and is a great support. Most would have run. He stands by me. I can do this!
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Good start at identifying. I had, HAD PTSD but found a very experience therapist in EMDR…basically working through the trauma until it doesnt have the same psychological, physical, and emotional effect.
I would like to share with you that my church will send you a prayer cloth dipped in the baptismal pools, Jesus is meeting people in the water and many have been healed from everything from cancer, deaf ears being healed, blind eyes recieving sight again, to all types of trama, PTSD, emotional healings, and alcoholics recieving deliverance (like myself) ect. Set free and sober for almost 2 years, and without God, I wouldn’t have been able to quit on my own… Our healer is Christ Jesus and if we reach out to Him, have faith, He will reveal Himself to us. If you would like the website for a prayer cloth, they will send you one, no charge. The website to request it is cfchurch.tv
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