Love how I feel in my head and my body. Going to do a triathlon in 3 weeks (couldn’t ever plan it before because I always had like a nowhere week where i was feeling like a dying man at home because of using).
Eating healthy. Doing my stuff and working. Just moved.
But… there’s a lot of time an emptiness. I know this feeling is not because of the alcool, because it was there before. It was a huge reason why when everything was going well in my life I had to sabotages all this by drinking. I needed something to chase that feeling away. Now it’s there. Some time. Pretty much all the time.
But I don’t miss the loosing control, the depression and anxiety from alcool, the bad decisions, the money flying and my bad physical form. I sometime miss being at the bar and having fun tho.
What I miss sometime is a break from my head. While I do sport it works, movies, reading too, seeing friends. But then I come back home, alone, in my head and I feel this kind of loneliness. It’s rough. I was avoiding this by coming back shitfaced home or just blackout. Then I would have to focus on my alcool problem, not on my emotional response to a feeling. Now this is what I have to do to keep my head up and not going back to drinking (which really I don’t even crave it)
Right now I don’t feel like my problem is the alcool itself, but my behaviour about certains feelings I can get. More than control my drinking (which I can’t - it’s all or nothing like a lot of you guys I guess) I need to control my thoughts now.
I don’t know if anyone felt that but I kinda feel like it’s a huge part of my recovery that I’m entering in right now.
Hope you guys have a wonderful day, thanks for reading/sharing!
David
Welcome david. Do you have a support system? I attend AA and they say you should help others so you’re not in your head making things seem worse. I am not pushing AA by any means. It does help to know your not alone. So support is essential. helping others does help me to not feel that pain like I used to. Have you talked to your Dr? Do you have a therapist? Meditate? Id suggest exercise and eat right but you have that already. I’m glad your here. Keep up the hard work
I have found that while learning how to deal with difficult feelings with alcohol has been, well difficult, it is also quite a good feeling to come out the other side of it. For me it’s not about controlling my thoughts but accepting them -and realising “this too shall pass” (often quoted on this forum!).
I started doing meditation earlier this year, before I gave up drinking which really helped with this. It probably helped me to make and embrace the decision to stop drinking. Reading through the forums has helped me too and made me realise how many other people have had similar feelings and experiences to me, even if their situations are pretty different.
Sounds like you are on the right track and have lots of positive things going on to help you on your way. Good luck with the triathlon! Sounds like a great thing to focus on.
I agree with maybe seeing a therapist, and doing some meditation. Talking about how quitting drinking has effected my moods, life, and everything, to my therapist has been super helpful.
I had a whole lot of guilt to work on.
Way to go for 6 weeks! You are doing amazing.
Thanks guys.
Yep I see a therapist it’s been awhile and it’s going great. No group support tho. Excepts my family and close friends who knows my choice and are there to listen when I need it.
I guess the feeling of loneliness has just been there forever and now that the alcool is not there I have to face it and adapt, find new ways to cope with it and not trying to avoid it by something bad for me such as booze or drug. Training and eating healthy helps a lot, but it’s when my day is over home alone that it gets harder. Guess I’m not the only one experiencing this. Been filling these moments with a lot of cellphone scrolling which I’m not really proud and happy with.
Group support helps to make my Monday nights fun. I know AA fun. Yup. I always learn something and usually have a good laugh at how crazy our lives were when we were using. Its great to be surrounded by like minded people. “Typical” people just don’t get us addicts. They can try but they just don’t get it and that’s ok. That’s why we have support groups filled with addicts staying clean lol going to a support meeting of any kind may help with the loneliness. It did for me!
Being alone with your own thoughts can be so hard, you’re definitely not the only one that feels that way!
Would recommend meditation as a way of helping to get more comfortable with spending time on your own. Or if the weather’s ok just go for a walk, look around and notice what’s in front of you. Listen to music and really pay attention to the different layers. It’s all mindfulness and I’m sure there are lots of other examples of ways to keep in the moment.
Don’t beat yourself up about screen time if it helps keep your mind occupied. But I would also like to cut down my use (when I meditate more I tend to do less mindless scrolling!).
Have you considered looking up free online courses? In the UK there are a couple called FutureLearn and OpenLearn - don’t know if they’re available where you are. Or looking into local interest groups to learn something with other people.
I’m going to give AA a try because I’ve really cut down on my socialising, which mainly revolved around spending time in bars, and would like to meet some new sober people.
Yes I know a lot of mindfulness techniques (I’m actually studying to be a therapist), you’re right I could do more of that. But like for you, I use to spend so much time doing things involving alcool that now I’m cutting down to a lot of time by myself and something I just find it boring, you know! I think it’s mostly because it’s summer time haha. When university starts back in September I’ll be seeing more people in alcool-free context and learning new stuff and be very busy… maybe I just have a lot of time for myself right now and now that there’s no booze over it I kinda feel lonely or weird because I see how much time it was taking from me. Anyways thanks for anwserkng guys I’ll keep looking for maybe a group or at least some kind of social thing to put my energy/time into.
recommend meditation as a way of helping to get more comfortable with spending time on your own. Or if the weather’s ok just go for a walk, look around and notice what’s in front of you. Listen to music and really pay attention to the different layers. It’s all mindfulness and I’m sure there are lots of other examples of ways to keep in the moment.