I made it 60 days! I’m new to this online community my therapist suggested I make an account and I’m so glad to see a group of online support❤️ I am graduating my treatment program in a couple weeks here and just started going to an NA. This was one of the most helpful things I’ve done in any treatment center, as I’ve been in and out of them for the past 10 years. (Since I was 17.) Here is my goodbye letter to my addiction. Thank you for being a part of my recovery ❤️🩹
Dear Heroin, Meth, and all your little friends……
Hey it’s me again, I haven’t seen you in a while but it’s for good reason. I am done with the back-and-forth and don’t ever want to see you again but there’s a few things I have to say so I can move on with my life.
For so long I’d do anything for you because you were the best friend that I had ever had. You were always there for me just a hit or a shot away. Through police raids, loosing custody of my children, breakups, arrests, totaled cars, getting robbed, kidnapped, fights, all the money lost, endless nights that turned into mornings, heartbreak, breaking hearts, relationships(real/fake)…you were my only constant. You made me feel like everything was fine and I had it all together when actually you were the source of my pain and suffering. You made me so cold and evil and brought out a monster, a monster I still know is within me but I will never let you take away my light again. You showed me the true evils of the world that I wish never discovered. I lost my intuition and any sense of who I was, it all went up in smoke. You made me hurt the only people who truly cared for me, missing birthdays, holidays, Christmases that I’ll never get back. I’ll never be able to take back the things I’ve said or done and I’ll never be able to make up for the lost time that I spent alone with you, dropping my morals and values so there was always space for you. I chose you over anyone or anything without skipping a beat, you were my answer to everything. Happy? Smoke. Mad? Smoke. Sad? Smoke. Tired/not tired Smoke…it was insanity and you are not my answer—not ever again. I’m done hurting, I’m done searching, I’m done giving up and giving away my life and soul to something that sucks at me until all that was left was a shell of myself. I now choose to take back the parts of me that you took away. I choose be the mother and woman you would not let me be! I now put my family first instead of you! Somehow you took away everything I cared about and then left me EMPTY wanting to die. I thought if I can’t have you then I’d rather be dead, you were all I wanted and needed for so so long. You were all I had to hold onto but now that you are out of my body physically, I am back in control and I see that everything you gave me was fake and toxic. The other addicts you brought into my life hurt me more than I knew humanly possible. Together you broke me down, took advantage of my kindness and took me to places physically and mentally so dark that I will never be the same person I once was. You took everything but it was never enough. You had me convinced that my kids could live without me and that things would be better that way. What a fucking lie!!! The more you tried to fix me the more you made things worse. The more numb I felt, the more empty I became. I remember looking at my kids like they were see through, there was no emotion, I couldn’t feel anything, I was out of my mind. My brain had become as cloudy as the pipe in my hand. It was so hard to think when I couldn’t feel a thing. I was sick and only getting sicker until I found myself getting raided AGAIN. The desperation and hopelessness I felt sitting in that cold empty cell all by myself for the second time within a year became the place that I would rebuild my life on. That was the moment I could not take one more second of the life I had been leading. No more will I volunteer my life to play in your games. I decided NO MATTER WHAT I will not let you control my life again. That was the first promise I’ve ever made to myself. The first two weeks without you was comparable to a living hell, my husband carrying me to and from the bathroom, bathing me, feeding me because I could not take care of myself. Withdrawals from you had taken every ounce of energy and strength I had left. You sucked me dry like a fucking leach. But then I woke up one morning and things felt better. I had feelings and emotions again!!! And one those was hope, HOPE that if I held on, things would get better as long as I never touched you, tasted you, or put you into my body again.
You still linger daily in my mind and creep up on my dreams. Petty as you’ve always been, begging for me to come back to you but I will never give you that satisfaction or power again. Thank you for the lessons, thank you for being there when I would have checked out of life otherwise. Thank you for bringing the most amazing people into my life that I only know because they are fighting their own battles with you. But more that, FUCK YOU.
NEVER AGAIN,
Angie
God girl you deserve sooo much more than that and I’m sook grateful ur seeing that now. Drugs don’t love us… EVERY SINGLE thing that they did or didn’t do for us was a lie. And I truly hope that u keep this letter close. So that when that addict thinking starts up and gets loud, u have this to read to remind u of what u don’t need or want anymore! So proud of u. And I’m sorry family is so proud of u 
keep at it! ODAAT
