So today marks 80 days which is good but Christ the depression, boredom and trouble sleeping 
I’m so depressed and even therapy isn’t helping.
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I can absolutely relate to your text. Those feelings have caused me to say F’it more than once. The issue that results every time is relapse, remorse and repercussions. I wouldn’t be on this platform if drinking miraculously started to work in my life…. Chances are, I’d be finding something else to complain about 
I had to surrender absolutely with no reservation. I’ve done the research, I’ve tried a million ways to drink differently. There was a peace of mind that accompanied that surrender….. I was like okay….. now how do I live ?? No clear answers for this. Little things in my life slowly started changing…. I wasn’t so damn serious, sober laughter returned, I found new pleasure in things that used to seem like chores. I became even more active with my group. I’m going to rehabs and detoxes to share my experience, strength and hope. I don’t feel like I’m faking it to make it anymore. I just hope you stay patient and let life come to you. 80 days is amazing. One drink and this whole recovery thing will feel like a phase you were going through. Your disease is relying upon what you are feeling right now. Please don’t give in. Stay strong 
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Sorry to hear that Matt. Have you spoken with your doctor about antidepressants? For me it has made a huge difference. My doctor started me on a trial and it has been very helpful.
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Hang in there Matt.
Congratulations n the 80 days. That’s huge!! I too had lots of on and off depression during my early recovery. Some days I just couldn’t do shit. I’d get up. Feed my pets walk the dogs. And the rest of the day sucked. I’d try to work out. Maybe lift a weight or too. But nothing…
I read more recovery stuff. Put on some awful angry gangsta rap with Eminem and walk my ass off. Sometimes twice a day. I’d take a couple of hot showers during the day. And I spend a lot of time on here. Looking at memes. And other fun threads. Just begging someone to play a meme so I could.
That 90 day milestone is right around the corner. Milestone malady is real. It fucks with our heads. The addict brain is not like what’s going on.
You’re not drinking TODAY.
And you’re probably not drinking tomorrow.
I do AA and Al-Anon meetings now. They help me a lot. I spill my guts. We don’t have to be alone in this.
Great job reaching out.
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I know exactly what you’re feeling. That wall is real. Around 90 days I was depressed angry inside and just literally thought I’d rather be dead than to feel like this. Is this what sober looks
Like for the rest of my life, but I
Persevered by focusing on my mental / physical health. Running (no headphones) breathing techniques, journaling, scheduling(with a planner) setting little daily goals (like try not to get road rage today-always failed, but you get the point 
) listening to sober podcasts, reading books in relation to the journey. You can and will get over that hump bro. The grass is greener on the other side. Trust me on that. I am going on 332 days of sobriety today. This is the longest I’ve ever been sober I’m here for you. Just holler. 
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Give yourself some grace. Congrats on 80 days,keep the count going! I understand everything you mentioned. I have the feeling of always needing something to do. I have become crafty and now have a large puzzle collection. As for the depression,it will come and go. I would suggest talking to your Doctor or therapist. There are many options for meds that can help you. Remember your body and mind are still in recovery mode. I hope you find your way because this journey is so worth it.
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Thank you for taking the time to respond 
encouraging words I’m just questioning everything, including my faith in God.
I’m already on them but starting some new ones soon.
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Thank you so much man! And congrats on over 300 days!
Thank you so much 
It’s okay to question everything. It’s also okay to get different answers. You need to find what is going to fill that hole in your soul. I have to believe that you were fairly miserable when you decided to get sober. Life has not gotten too much better in sobriety clearly, BUT you are not dependent on alcohol physically after 80+ days. That is a wonderful burden to be free of. Many never reach that point. Give it some more time. Try another professional… don’t throw away your progress only to remain miserable. I hope that makes some sense.
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I went through a similar thing, about the same point in recovery. I felt physically awful, and just wondered “what did i get sober for?” I ended up having a drink, but then throwing the rest of the alcohol away, because it only made me feel worse. I then proceeded to do this again, every few weeks… always the same thing: I’d have 1 or 2 drinks, lose my sober streak, and then pour the rest down the sink drain because it didn’t make me feel good. Eventually, my health did get better. I started eating better, exercising, and my body got used to the physical demands of my new job. Self-care is important, and sometimes we just have to white-knuckle it for a bit, until our luck starts to turn around. There are so many factors in life that are beyond our control, which is very disheartening sometimes. I think a major factor for addicts/alcoholics was that feeling of control the substances gave us. That’s a really hard thing to give up. But at the end of the day, they rob you of more control than they give you.
Also, studies show exercise is actually more affective than antidepressants. I think antidepressants are great, btw. Not trying to discourage anyone from taking them. I take them myself. But they also work a lot better if you exercise and most importantly don’t drink!
Anyway, I hope some of this helps. I believe in you!
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It makes perfect sense, thank you 
Wow, that’s very insightful and I really appreciate you taking the time to respond in such manner. Thank you 
what you said makes so much sense to me. I hope you are well.
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I’m so happy it helped. I usually don’t share at meetings, because i feel like I’m not allowed to because i don’t have enough sober time, but on here i feel more comfortable, because there’s not a whole room of people being forced to listen to me. But it feels so meaningful to have something useful to offer.
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Please try to not feel like that. I know for a fact the meeting is there for you. Please share if you feel the impulse… Yesterday attended my home group meeting and I mentioned I wish we had some new comers in to see what we have… So glad you are here with us.
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