Today made 90 days, my first 90 days and it’s been ok. I wouldn’t trade it for being drunk obviously. I guess I’m impatient for more dynamic changes. I can’t really tell if I’m getting any healthier. I’m not losing weight as quickly as I want to despite exercising more and eating pretty restricted calories. Mood swings, I’m wondering if are because of diet or if I still need to deal with some personal issues. Self esteem isn’t brimming over. Before drinking, people approached me, asked me out, seemed to want to be around me and seemed to value me. I’m working hard to get that back, but it’s taking a lot longer than I want and I am 10 years older now.
I think I’m really craving some kind of social validation. I realize it’s an issue and I shouldn’t, so much. But it’s like, I’m back among the living again… Wheres the welcome committee? Lol, I know it’s selfish. I’m just saying… Life is still kind of lonely and it makes me question myself… Am I actually a good person, do I give off a vibe, why am I needy, CAN I even be a good partner, friend, anything anymore?
Anyway just venting. At least I’m not craving a drink really bad… Often.
90 days is absolutely brilliant and a huge achievement
So, while 90 days is great its still pretty early on…sobriety doesnt just fix everything on its own but it gives you a clear head and healthier body in order to work on yourself. . If your self esteem is low then work on that…i did loads of online reading about it and some free work books etc…work on your mindset aswell…i found “positive psychology” great for this…do an actual list of things you think you need to work on with yourself and go about working on it…nothing changes if nothing changes
This made me smile. The welcome committee is right here! I appreciate the way you are digging into your mindset and expressing yourself here. I think 90 days is a crucial milestone. Congratulations on this achievement!!! We just keep peeling off the onion layers, as we cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves, one layer at a time.
Do you approach people?
I only ask this as I felt the same but I was the one who had changed so I had to also make changes.
I’m not an overly social person but we all need friends. I first met people at AA meetings but also started volunteer dog walking and chatting with owners then a bit of study, then joined an outdoor hiking group and now I ride motorcycles….
All of this was extremely nerve wracking and difficult but it helped me immensely. I now choose my people rather than waiting for people to choose me.
It’s harder harder as we get older and sober but I find more genuine connections now.
90 days is huge but it takes a while for everything to adjust so take it easy on yourself.
Thank you, everyone. I guess 90 days is early, it’s weird when I think about it because it seems longer ago. But a few things from that week seem really long ago. Maybe because I’m not blurring my days with alcohol anymore.
I do need to work more on myself but I wonder where to start. I try to be really kind and outgoing, and I listen to people and they tell me about themselves but hardly anyone asks me anything about me so I can’t tell if they… Care, or are just talking because they feel obligated to or maybe they don’t even think twice about it and I’m overthinking everything.
But that’s it, I need to temper my expectations of other people I know they don’t owe me anything.
Any books or recommends for something to read to help with dealing with these sorts of character issues?
I feel you! First year of my recovery I think I had doubts about everything in life. About the big life events but also every minor thing. I felt like my body wasn’t fitting anymore, like I wasn’t myself anymore. I had to discover the “real” me again. Who was I without drinking?
It was a struggle, but also a journey that made me curious about who I would become at the end of it. I’m more then 5 years sober now and the biggest discovery is that there is no “end”
I’m still groing like a plant with good light to grow and some fertilizer each week
In the beginning of my recovery I was existing, just like you do now. But existing is better then being in active addiction because that is distruction. In a while if you keep being sober you will take that step into growing. Give it time!
Good light, water and some fertilizer do the trick!
So yes, you can be a good partner, friend, anything again!
hugely important lesson to learn, and a great opportunity in that moment to practice self-empowerment and self-validation so you don’t project that need onto others. adjust your adopted value system that says “people need to read the script i wrote for them in my head otherwise i won’t feel okay” - look at the terms and conditions you’ve set for your life circumstances, and where a particular outcome is required for you to feel “satisfied”. this is a false projection created by a mindset of fear - fear of unworthiness, fear of survival… see where these adopted rules limit you from feeling in harmony with the whole being that you are. in fact, deconstructing these outdated belief and value systems is a great place to start if you’re wondering how to begin working on yourself!
I think mindset is everything…even in really bad circumstances we can try and pull out the positives…i call them the silver linings…like nowadays when i look back on my rock bottom moment when i decided to get sober i can see it as a blessing because now im 20 months sober- as horrible as it was it had to come to a head to get me to really look at myself and soul search. I think negative thinking can become a habit like any other but you can change that and choose to find the positive instead. I have 2 lists on my phone that i look at regularly…one is a list of everything in life that im greatful for and the other is a list of things that make me happy…when i feel the negative coming in i read these over…i remind myself of what im greatful for and i try to do more from the what makes me happy list…
All your validation can come from you…its all within you…once you feel better within it will shine outwards…for instance…you might be 10 years older now BUT your also 10 years wiser and 90 days sober! - that is incredible
but it takes a while for everything to adjust so take it easy on yourself.
